In my on-going pursuit of self-improvement, I decided that instead of being the squeaky wheel, I was goign to let this DCFS thing play out on it's own. I got to praying and God put on my heart that I may have a thing or to to learn about letting go of control and trusting him.
So, I told myself that every time I thought about about how frustrated I was or about calling someone to make this situation right, I would just pray for God to resolve the problem instead. I was prepared to do this at least for the week, if not longer. It would be a good practice for me.
But, guess what? Our caseworker called this morning to say that she was wrong. Six months is the waiting period, and that will be on February 17th, so we can keep moving along and begin the legal part of the adoption. Yay!
And I am trying not to laugh at the fact that she was so frustrated that she had to make another visit to give us the paperwork. Well, if you had done it right the first time....
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
God is a funny one
After writing that last post, I was browsing through my blog and trying to gain perspective on how far we've come.
God led my back to my very first post. My very own words. I needed to remind myself of that.
As we are praying for our family and our future, we are seeking God's will rather than our own. We know that His plan is the right one, and we want to follow...it's just so hard!
God is bigger than our problems. He is bigger than our fears, and his plan is so much bigger and better than we can ever imagine.
With our immediate family, with our finances, with our extended family...it's not up to us. God has it all under control.
God led my back to my very first post. My very own words. I needed to remind myself of that.
As we are praying for our family and our future, we are seeking God's will rather than our own. We know that His plan is the right one, and we want to follow...it's just so hard!
God is bigger than our problems. He is bigger than our fears, and his plan is so much bigger and better than we can ever imagine.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
He doesn't ask us to consider his opinion. He doesn't ask us to trust him a little. He commands us to trust him with ALL of our heart. He commands us to acknowledge him in ALL our ways...in all we do, each and every day. With our immediate family, with our finances, with our extended family...it's not up to us. God has it all under control.
Oh, just one YEAR!?!?
It's so ironic that my previous post is labeled contentment because I am truly only content when there is nothing to be discontented about. :)
We had our monthly meeting with the adoption caseworker today. She called last week to finalize some details for the paperwork and said that she would have the kids' complete files to give me. This is the last step before we begin the legal aspect of adopting the kids. I asked my daycare parents to come pick up kids early even because this was supposed to be the "big paperwork meeting" where we went over the kid's complete histories and had any questions answered.
The caseworker showed up with just a notebook in her hands. I was worried as I invited her into the house, but I figured she'd get the rest from the car later. How naive am I? She sat down and was saying hi to the kids when I sweetly asked, "Since we get their files today, what is the next step in the process?"
"Well," she says, "I was just about done with those when my supervisor said that I might as well slow down on it because he wants the kids to be in your home for a whole year before you officially adopt."
A YEAR?!?! Seriously? Does her supervisor just get to make up his own rules? We are well aware that there is a 6 month "waiting period" before an adoption can be finalized. That is fairly typical whether it's a domestic or international adoption. We have a court date set, we want to get the kids baptized and stop having to explain why sometimes their last name is McMorris and sometimes it's Boomgarden.
Grrrrr!
So, there is my venting. DCFS is a very frustrating agency to deal with.
Before all of this occurred today I heard the song "While I'm waiting" by John Waller . I always think of families waiting for their adopted children when I hear this. I think about the families who long for their babies, either for a successful pregnancy or for a baby living in horrid conditions in another country.
Today I thought, what if I had heard this song when I was in college. At that time, all I wanted was to get married and become a mom. I kissed many frogs trying to find my prince. I went through lots of heartache trying to find happiness. Looking back, I often think to myself, what if you could have the life you have now, but could have avoided all of that worrying and hurt. I obviously would have worried a lot less and made different choices. I would have been more faithful, knowing that God knew his plan for me, plans to prosper and not harm me. Plans for a hope and a future. At that time, if I had, as the song suggests, patiently waited upon the Lord...hopeful...taking every step in obedience, I could have enjoyed the moment, the phase of my life and not worried so much about the future.
I want my hindsight to be 20/20. I want to not worry about how this will all play out. I want to just give it to God and trust that He will work it all out in his perfect timing.
BUT....
What if what God wants is for me to be the squeaky wheel and get what I want? Hahaha! That is always my default. Recently I had a quote up on facebook that I snagged from someone else. The quote says, "Trust like it all depends on God, but work like it all depends on you." That is how I have always tried to live. Sometimes I think I may need to stop working so hard though and truly give it to God.
Is today the day? We shall see.
We had our monthly meeting with the adoption caseworker today. She called last week to finalize some details for the paperwork and said that she would have the kids' complete files to give me. This is the last step before we begin the legal aspect of adopting the kids. I asked my daycare parents to come pick up kids early even because this was supposed to be the "big paperwork meeting" where we went over the kid's complete histories and had any questions answered.
The caseworker showed up with just a notebook in her hands. I was worried as I invited her into the house, but I figured she'd get the rest from the car later. How naive am I? She sat down and was saying hi to the kids when I sweetly asked, "Since we get their files today, what is the next step in the process?"
"Well," she says, "I was just about done with those when my supervisor said that I might as well slow down on it because he wants the kids to be in your home for a whole year before you officially adopt."
A YEAR?!?! Seriously? Does her supervisor just get to make up his own rules? We are well aware that there is a 6 month "waiting period" before an adoption can be finalized. That is fairly typical whether it's a domestic or international adoption. We have a court date set, we want to get the kids baptized and stop having to explain why sometimes their last name is McMorris and sometimes it's Boomgarden.
Grrrrr!
So, there is my venting. DCFS is a very frustrating agency to deal with.
Before all of this occurred today I heard the song "While I'm waiting" by John Waller . I always think of families waiting for their adopted children when I hear this. I think about the families who long for their babies, either for a successful pregnancy or for a baby living in horrid conditions in another country.
Today I thought, what if I had heard this song when I was in college. At that time, all I wanted was to get married and become a mom. I kissed many frogs trying to find my prince. I went through lots of heartache trying to find happiness. Looking back, I often think to myself, what if you could have the life you have now, but could have avoided all of that worrying and hurt. I obviously would have worried a lot less and made different choices. I would have been more faithful, knowing that God knew his plan for me, plans to prosper and not harm me. Plans for a hope and a future. At that time, if I had, as the song suggests, patiently waited upon the Lord...hopeful...taking every step in obedience, I could have enjoyed the moment, the phase of my life and not worried so much about the future.
I want my hindsight to be 20/20. I want to not worry about how this will all play out. I want to just give it to God and trust that He will work it all out in his perfect timing.
BUT....
What if what God wants is for me to be the squeaky wheel and get what I want? Hahaha! That is always my default. Recently I had a quote up on facebook that I snagged from someone else. The quote says, "Trust like it all depends on God, but work like it all depends on you." That is how I have always tried to live. Sometimes I think I may need to stop working so hard though and truly give it to God.
Is today the day? We shall see.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Contentment
Since I was being harassed by my brother about being a "blog slacker", I figured I should get something out here in cyberspace. (Thanks for the motivation, Adam!)
I guess it's a good thing, but life is just plugging along, so I never feel like I have anything profound to share. I read the blogs of several other people, and they are always so insightful. Like any good sitcom, they begin with a problem or a story, and by the end of the post, they have neatly wrapped up what they learned, what God was revealing to them, or the new idea that the problem inspired. Our daily life presents many "things that make me go hmm", but as soon as I begin to reflect, someone is spilling milk, dripping syrup or screaming at a sibling, and I am forced back into the present moment. Some day I will have time to reflect, and I hope that I will have ignored the right things and taken the time to really handle the things that needed my attention.
For instance, the kids often tell me that they miss me. In my grown-up mind I think, "Seriously, I am here every single day. I drop you off at school, pick you up from school, help you with homework, etc. I never have a minute to myself. How can you possibly miss me?!?!" But, my mom-mind realizes that they miss being with me.
They miss having special time. This is the difference between quality time and quantity time. They miss snuggling and talking one-on-one. They miss sharing with me the things that are not necessary, but are simply relationship building. Then I remember the whole point of the "Year of No Crazy", (which we are continuing into 2011...it may just become a way of life!), Dave and I wanted to be here to transition our family through this phase. We wanted to be available emotionally, physically, and mentally to our kids, and that meant letting go of other commitments and saying no to things that we really wanted to do. Since our calendar is so empty now, we have chosen Tuesdays and Thursdays to be our "date days". Not for Dave and I, but for the kids. On Tuesdays, one child gets a date with Mom, and on Thursday a different child gets a date with Dad. In 3 weeks, every child will have had a date. In 6 weeks, each child will have had a date with each of us. (Don't worry, Dave and I do take the time for lots of dates for ourselves as well!)
I read somewhere that the best way to know what your family values is to look at your checkbook and your calendar. Where you spend your money and your time tell you what is important. Since October we've been working to get our finances to reflect our values, and scheduling dates helped get our calendar reflecting that as well. Whether you have 1 child or 10 children, spending intentional time with them is a challenge. Dates remind me to seek out other one-on-one time as well.
Candy Land and Memory have provided some good times in the past few weeks as well. After dinner, rather than curling up on the couch with a TV program, they kids have realized that if we play a board game together, they get my undivided attention for the entire length of the game. It is such a simple thing, but one that we too often forget to take the time for.
In light of this whole journey that we are on, Dave and I have been asked to present at a parenting conference coming up early in February. Our session is called, "Living simply in an age of acquisition: fostering contentment in your family". It is funny to me that we were asked to teach others about this topic, because I feel like this is the lesson we are trying to learn. We are learning to be content with what we have, live on a budget, and plan for the future as adults. Teaching that to the kids is hard when we haven't mastered it ourselves yet. We believe that we are supposed to teach this though, so we will do our best. Every time I start to doubt that we have anything to share, I say over and over again, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."
So, that's what is going on in my head lately.
The kids are all doing well.
Mara came by to visit yesterday with her boyfriend's dog, Ellie. She is doing so well at school and is gearing up to move out of the dorms and into an apartment next fall.
Chloe has a fun social life with of sleepovers almost every weekend.
Carter is doing so well in kindergarten that his teacher is starting to have him do first grade work.
Brice has two different girlfriends that stick with him for lunch and reccess each day. He is quiet and reserved at school, but once he gets home and starts playing the Wii, he is loud and 100% "5 year old boy"!
Halie went to a counselor a few times to see if she had anything going on emotionally that we needed to be on top of, but the counselor said that she is so well adjusted, that she doesn't think Halie needs to see anyone at this point. Halie was so comfortable talking to her all about Mommy, Daddy, Mommy Brandy, Daddy John, Grandma Nancy and the rest of her "family" that the counselor couldn't even keep up with who was who!
Wren is about to turn 4 years old, and that is just amazing to me. She loves to write jiberish and then "read" her stories to me. She is so proud when she accidentally writes a real word.
Jasmine can now spell her name, and I LOVE to hear her do that! We went shopping yesterday, and she would look at each tag and say, "J-A-S-M-I-N-E, it says it's too big Mommy." Obviously she thinks every word is spelled that way, but hey, it's a start!
I guess it's a good thing, but life is just plugging along, so I never feel like I have anything profound to share. I read the blogs of several other people, and they are always so insightful. Like any good sitcom, they begin with a problem or a story, and by the end of the post, they have neatly wrapped up what they learned, what God was revealing to them, or the new idea that the problem inspired. Our daily life presents many "things that make me go hmm", but as soon as I begin to reflect, someone is spilling milk, dripping syrup or screaming at a sibling, and I am forced back into the present moment. Some day I will have time to reflect, and I hope that I will have ignored the right things and taken the time to really handle the things that needed my attention.
For instance, the kids often tell me that they miss me. In my grown-up mind I think, "Seriously, I am here every single day. I drop you off at school, pick you up from school, help you with homework, etc. I never have a minute to myself. How can you possibly miss me?!?!" But, my mom-mind realizes that they miss being with me.
They miss having special time. This is the difference between quality time and quantity time. They miss snuggling and talking one-on-one. They miss sharing with me the things that are not necessary, but are simply relationship building. Then I remember the whole point of the "Year of No Crazy", (which we are continuing into 2011...it may just become a way of life!), Dave and I wanted to be here to transition our family through this phase. We wanted to be available emotionally, physically, and mentally to our kids, and that meant letting go of other commitments and saying no to things that we really wanted to do. Since our calendar is so empty now, we have chosen Tuesdays and Thursdays to be our "date days". Not for Dave and I, but for the kids. On Tuesdays, one child gets a date with Mom, and on Thursday a different child gets a date with Dad. In 3 weeks, every child will have had a date. In 6 weeks, each child will have had a date with each of us. (Don't worry, Dave and I do take the time for lots of dates for ourselves as well!)
I read somewhere that the best way to know what your family values is to look at your checkbook and your calendar. Where you spend your money and your time tell you what is important. Since October we've been working to get our finances to reflect our values, and scheduling dates helped get our calendar reflecting that as well. Whether you have 1 child or 10 children, spending intentional time with them is a challenge. Dates remind me to seek out other one-on-one time as well.
Candy Land and Memory have provided some good times in the past few weeks as well. After dinner, rather than curling up on the couch with a TV program, they kids have realized that if we play a board game together, they get my undivided attention for the entire length of the game. It is such a simple thing, but one that we too often forget to take the time for.
In light of this whole journey that we are on, Dave and I have been asked to present at a parenting conference coming up early in February. Our session is called, "Living simply in an age of acquisition: fostering contentment in your family". It is funny to me that we were asked to teach others about this topic, because I feel like this is the lesson we are trying to learn. We are learning to be content with what we have, live on a budget, and plan for the future as adults. Teaching that to the kids is hard when we haven't mastered it ourselves yet. We believe that we are supposed to teach this though, so we will do our best. Every time I start to doubt that we have anything to share, I say over and over again, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."
So, that's what is going on in my head lately.
The kids are all doing well.
Mara came by to visit yesterday with her boyfriend's dog, Ellie. She is doing so well at school and is gearing up to move out of the dorms and into an apartment next fall.
Chloe has a fun social life with of sleepovers almost every weekend.
Carter is doing so well in kindergarten that his teacher is starting to have him do first grade work.
Brice has two different girlfriends that stick with him for lunch and reccess each day. He is quiet and reserved at school, but once he gets home and starts playing the Wii, he is loud and 100% "5 year old boy"!
Halie went to a counselor a few times to see if she had anything going on emotionally that we needed to be on top of, but the counselor said that she is so well adjusted, that she doesn't think Halie needs to see anyone at this point. Halie was so comfortable talking to her all about Mommy, Daddy, Mommy Brandy, Daddy John, Grandma Nancy and the rest of her "family" that the counselor couldn't even keep up with who was who!
Wren is about to turn 4 years old, and that is just amazing to me. She loves to write jiberish and then "read" her stories to me. She is so proud when she accidentally writes a real word.
Jasmine can now spell her name, and I LOVE to hear her do that! We went shopping yesterday, and she would look at each tag and say, "J-A-S-M-I-N-E, it says it's too big Mommy." Obviously she thinks every word is spelled that way, but hey, it's a start!
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