Even if

I have moments of worrying if going to Africa, if spending our money in this way, is right or wrong. If it is the best that God has for us. Like John the Baptist, I wonder if we might go boldly and then not have the experience that we were hoping for. I worry about going back to Jesus and saying, "Are you really who I thought you were? Was I really listening correctly?"

I feel like I am still looking for the one "big thing" that God has for us, and somewhere in me feels like we aren't doing what God calls us to if it isn't that big thing. Why is it that I can not see that all of the little things make up the "big thing"? Why can I not see that the "big thing" is not  a certain area of service or a particular activity? The "big thing" is living a life of love and obedience, and that really is a BIG thing.

I am afraid of regret. I am afraid of not following God correctly. I pray and pray in my doubt, but hear nothing, so I proceed the best I know how. When I don't feel direction in the big choices, I just follow in little choices. Those little choices lead us to inviting people to live at our house for a time, to stopping to help stranded motorists, to a variety of other choices that others label us "crazy" for. (Crazy is the nicest label we get...there are many others that we have to ignore in order to be boldly obedient.)

Then, I am reminded that this is not an all or nothing opportunity. This is NOT either the "big thing" or a waste. This is an amazing opportunity for our children, for us, and for God to work in and through us. 

If the children's home is never built at Return...

If our trip is a disaster...

If we never decide to go back again...

If we do nothing to make a difference in a single life in Africa...

...we will have given our children a once in a lifetime experience.

...we will have made the world feel smaller and more accessible.

...we will have spent the past few years drawing closer to our God.

...we will have pulled ourselves so far out of our comfort zone.

...we will have literally and figuratively given all that we have to God.

that we will have no choice but to begin life again, as changed people, as new creations with new experiences...

And that is not a bad way to be.