How did we get here and where are we going?

A few years ago, I couldn't have identified Uganda on a map. Africa wasn't on my radar, my mind or my heart in any way. And then, God placed little bread crumbs in front of me, and I followed- the entire time laughing, having NO idea what God was up to.
Several of my conversations with God included my telling Him that I had no desire to go to Africa, no desire to adopt from Africa, and no desire to give up this life that I had worked so hard for. Although those conversations began with me telling God what was up, they always ended with me saying, "I will follow where You lead me." I have had my fair share of questioning, thinking that I know best, and living this life on my own. Much of it has been good, but the best things that have ever, EVER happened to me, were the things that God orchestrated without any of my help...
I continued following those little bread crumbs, and last summer that led us to Visiting Orphans, an organization that works with ministries all over the world and brings volunteers for short term missions. In obedience, Dave and I signed up for a 2 week trip through Uganda and Kenya. We only took Chloe along because she was the only one who met the age requirement of 10 years old.
I got on an airplane still shaking my head and talking to God about how crazy this little adventure was.
As always, following in obedience led to joy that I would have never known on my own, a changed heart, and a passion to serve the children and families of Uganda. That trip was a life-changer. What I saw God doing in Chloe was enough to make me want to give up everything, but God was at work in Dave and I as well. You can read more about that in my posts from last summer.
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Since then, we have been praying like crazy and fundraising (with your help) for a land project for Return Ministries. We have been thinking about taking all 6 of our kids to Uganda. We have thought about anther 2 week trip, and we have thought about spending the summer. Just recently, we decided that rather than going long-term, we would just spend our summers for the next few years in Uganda. We were set. We had a plan. We thought it was a good plan.
God was silent.
We prayed more.
God was silent.
We doubted.
We prayed more.
Still, nothing from the Big Guy.
We were frustrated.
As the time drew near to purchase plane tickets (and an amazing rate became available), I cried out to God...literally, in the van, by myself, I yelled to God, "Show me!!" I didn't want to make this choice, this major commitment if it wasn't in obedience. I needed to know that this was part of His plan. I reminded Him how this was NOT my idea in the first place, and if he walked me to this place, then I needed Him to walk me through. Show me. Show me.
God likes a little cry from the heart sometimes. He likes it when we come to Him with emotion rather than rote prayers and empty words.
The next morning, I received a call from the leader of our Visiting Orphan's trip. In an excitement that I could never put into words, she told me of an opportunity to serve in a ministry in Jinja, Uganda while the directors went on furlough in Texas. Would we at all be interested in staying in Uganda for 6 months to a year? I would like to think that I contained myself and my excitement on my immediate drive over to Dave's school to tell him about the call.
I was prepared for an immediate "No" from Dave, but he just smiled. That was a good sign. I have pulled him into lots of craziness in our 11 years together, and I have learned that I need him to balance me. He was actually excited. In the 5 minutes that we had to talk in the midst of his day teaching, he already was considering the option that he has to take a year leave of absence without losing his job. We will lose his income for that year, but at least he would have a job to return to.
After a few days of talking, praying and considering the impact, we felt sure of the choice to ask more questions.
That leaves us here,

• ready for a Skype interview on Tuesday with a representative of the ministry's board of directors. 
• looking for someone to rent our house for a year so that we aren't as burdened by the expense of our mortgage while we are gone. (We could pay it, but not having to would be one less concern.)
• praying about fundraising for our daily expenses while we are in Uganda.
• brainstorming how we will home school all 6 of our children and have them on track to return to their school the following year.
• doing some major "spring cleaning" during this polar vortex in order to get our house "show ready" for those renters that we know God will send our way. 

Fun Fact:

Katie Davis, the author of Kisses from Katie, will be our neighbor in Jinja. The directors that we will be filling in for are good friends of her and her girls. 

Not-so-fun Fact:

Many of you are aware that the IRS owes us over $40,000 for our 2011 Adoption Tax Credit that we never received. We originally assumed that we would use that money to fund this part of our journey. The IRS has made no progress on that front, and it is very unlikely that we would receive that funding prior to leaving, if at all. 

Thank you for the support and continued prayers as we walk this path that God has set before us! 

A very wise person, who I respect greatly said something the other day that keeps rolling around in my mind. "That's the trouble with faith. It lets you walk into things blindly," he said laughing. I believe that he meant very little by the comment, but my heart has held on to it, and it is empowering me in amazing ways. 

Faith does, for sure, allow us to walk into this adventure with many unknowns. Faith allowed me to marry a man with a 9 year old daughter when I was just 21. Faith allowed us to have a child a year later when I didn't have a full-time job. Faith grew my little home daycare to an amazing business which grew our lives exponentially. Faith allowed us to become foster parents and then adopt 3 children when we struggle with parenting just as much as everyone else does. Faith is what gets me out of bed each morning and allows me to sleep peacefully every night. 

I don't know if faith is trouble, but who only wants to live a fraction of their life? It is NOT Africa for everyone, it is NOT adoption for everyone, but whatever YOUR whole life is, I believe that faith gets you there. When I die, I want to know that I have lived the depth, height and width of every moment that I have been given. I want to live amazing days. Faith gets a bad rap for the "walking blindly" stuff. I think the trouble with faith is that more people don't have enough of it. 

Even if

I have moments of worrying if going to Africa, if spending our money in this way, is right or wrong. If it is the best that God has for us. Like John the Baptist, I wonder if we might go boldly and then not have the experience that we were hoping for. I worry about going back to Jesus and saying, "Are you really who I thought you were? Was I really listening correctly?"

I feel like I am still looking for the one "big thing" that God has for us, and somewhere in me feels like we aren't doing what God calls us to if it isn't that big thing. Why is it that I can not see that all of the little things make up the "big thing"? Why can I not see that the "big thing" is not  a certain area of service or a particular activity? The "big thing" is living a life of love and obedience, and that really is a BIG thing.

I am afraid of regret. I am afraid of not following God correctly. I pray and pray in my doubt, but hear nothing, so I proceed the best I know how. When I don't feel direction in the big choices, I just follow in little choices. Those little choices lead us to inviting people to live at our house for a time, to stopping to help stranded motorists, to a variety of other choices that others label us "crazy" for. (Crazy is the nicest label we get...there are many others that we have to ignore in order to be boldly obedient.)

Then, I am reminded that this is not an all or nothing opportunity. This is NOT either the "big thing" or a waste. This is an amazing opportunity for our children, for us, and for God to work in and through us. 

If the children's home is never built at Return...

If our trip is a disaster...

If we never decide to go back again...

If we do nothing to make a difference in a single life in Africa...

...we will have given our children a once in a lifetime experience.

...we will have made the world feel smaller and more accessible.

...we will have spent the past few years drawing closer to our God.

...we will have pulled ourselves so far out of our comfort zone.

...we will have literally and figuratively given all that we have to God.

that we will have no choice but to begin life again, as changed people, as new creations with new experiences...

And that is not a bad way to be.

When are we moving to Africa?

We weren't even in Africa a week before Dave declared on facebook, "The Mcs are moving to Africa!" In the 4 months since we have been back, the first question everyone seems to ask is, "When are you moving to Africa?"
Honestly, the answer is, "As soon as God tells us to."

The instant we met those kids in Kampala, I was just as in love as Dave was, but it was so overwhelming, that I knew I wouldn't be able to hear God's whispers above my own breaking heart.

There also were a few minor details like the house we own in America, the jobs that we need in order to pay our bills and then there are those 7 pesky kids that God had already called us to parent. ;-)
I knew, without a doubt, that this was not something to jump into, and not a decision that I could make based on emotion. If I have learned one thing in the past few years, it is that God has a better plan for me than anything I could ever imagine for myself. I needed to wait on His plan.
God bless Dave for his enthusiasm though!
God is working on my heart in so many ways. I am confident that He is leading me and preparing me to be a part of His work in Africa. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet, but I am okay with that.
Right now, what we are considering and praying about is going to Africa next summer for an extended period of time...possibly 3 months. Dave, being a teacher, has the summers off, so we would be able to maintain his income  and not make any drastic changes before we get our feet a little more wet in the Ugandan culture and lifestyle.
We also don't know if we would stay at Return Ministries that entire time, or if an extended stay would give us the opportunity to visit a variety of ministries.
We are talking with others who have gone to Uganda from the US, and we are collecting insight and wisdom.
I am confident that we are not called to international adoption. I LOVE adoption and I it is wonderful in so many ways, but God is not calling us to that. I have heard the "starfish" story, and I even believe in it with all of my heart, but when I pray about adopting a child from Uganda, the answer I feel in my heart is that I am not to take one child out of Africa, but to bring my family to love on them all.

You know what I envision? When I picture us in Uganda, I always see us, our whole family, just being a family with all of the children who need us. I would love to be the Mom to an entire village. It takes a village to raise a child, and I want to be a part of a literal village that raises children.
Again, I don't know what that looks like logistically, but that is the vision that God has placed on my heart. I watch my children, so prepared to love others, so prepared to care for little ones, and I know that God has been doing a great work in their hearts.

So, this is just an update. This is what I am praying about. This is what is on my heart. I am at peace. I trust that the plan will be revealed to me one step at a time, and I am ready to live in obedience.

Thank you to all who are praying and donating with us. Our family is truly being carried through each day by your love.

It's a Spiritual Battle, not a Financial Battle

I am a goal setter. I always have been. I challenge myself, and I like to challenge others. I get such a thrill out of setting a goal and then reaching it as quickly and as efficiently as I can.
It is no surprise that I flew into fundraising for Return Children's Home in Kampala, Uganda with that same determination.
Last week, as I spoke to a fellow supporter of this ministry who lives in the US, my eyes were opened to the fact that my perspective has to change. She reminded me of Pastor Samuel's perspective. While in Uganda, every word that came from Pastor Samuel's mouth was so full of hope and love and Jesus. There is no doubt in his mind that all that is taking place in Africa, and with their ministry in particular, is a spiritual battle, not a financial battle.
On several occasions, investors have offered to fully fund the land, community center, church and children's home that the Samuels' Family feels called to build. The only problem was that every time, there were strings attached.

They would be happy to give all of the money needed, as long as they would teach
no religion...
a certain facet of the gospel, but not the whole gospel...
a different religion...
or
if they could have complete control over the project.

What the Samuels' Family has dedicated their lives to is not just a building. It has long been their passion to care for the physical needs as well as the spiritual needs of those in their village. Currently, Pastor Samuel and his wife Sarah rent a small house for them and their 2 children, ages 4 and 6. The pastor's elderly parents rent a small house as well as the empty land next to the house. Within that house 17 children live and grow and learn to be a family. The house is tiny. Most of us probably have garages bigger than this house.

In the empty dirt field next door, so much takes place throughout the week. The children from the village come to eat a few times per week, they can play on the 2 makeshift slides, they can attend church and Sunday school classes, and the teens enjoy weekly "Coffee Time", which similar to a youth group.
The vision, the greatest asset that we can give to this ministry is land. Once they have a place to call their own, they can create a self-sustaining lifestyle. This entire village can be changed if they simply had a place to be...a place to grow...a place to create their future.

"When god pushes you to the edge, trust him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or he will teach you how to fly."

Learning

I mentioned in a previous post that children are lacking a purpose in Africa. That survival is the only thing on the agenda each day. It broke my heart the day I asked about this sign.

This poster is a guide for the exam that children must take to advance in school. This was hanging in the P1 and P2 classroom...the earliest grade in school. Not only do these children not have someone whispering in their ears how special and cherished they are, but they are taught, in school, that their only value is based on what they can do for their families. Another question on that test is something like, "Why do parents have children?" I can give you a list of American answers to that question, and topping the list would be to share the love that they have together with a family. 

You know what the "correct" answer is? 

To fetch water.

This is the uphill battle that many ministries are facing. We hold them and love them and tell them that they are loved by a God who is so big and so mighty, who created them with a purpose on this earth at this time, and then they have to write on a test that parents have children only to fetch the water. 

He Did Both

I had to take a little break from writing about our trip. I thank you all for your patience and for actually reading what I have to share. I am so shocked that you all are actually reading and enjoying this! As much as the trip to Africa was a journey, so is the remembering and processing.
A year ago, I was really wanting a heart-change in my life. I was feeling comfortable, confident, and on top of the world. All of that was good, and life was wonderful, but I was also feeling God calling me to something else. He seems to always do that in my life. He blesses me beyond what I ever imagined, and then I am reminded that I am blessed in order to be a blessing to others. This is not to say that I don't get to enjoy life. We do have SOOOO much fun as a family, and we are really good at napping, too. We are also good at sitting smack dab in the middle of God's blessings and soaking it all up. It is in the DNA of our family to serve though.
It is life-giving for us to find joy and peace and comfort in ways that are not typical of most Americans, or most people. Isn't that what we are called to as Christians though, to live IN this world, but not to become OF this world? It is too easy to get sucked in. Sometimes we need to do things that help us to redefine our source of joy and peace and comfort.
As God laid Africa on my heart, I prayed that seeing that place and its people would bring the heart-change that I was looking for. As the trip neared, I was then worried that I was expecting too much of the 2 weeks we would be there. Then I began praying that if God didn't change my life through this trip, that He might begin a great work in Chloe's life and influence her heart. Friends, in true God-fashion, He didn't do one or the other. He did both.
God sent me back home with a mission and a plan to be a part of His work in Uganda. I had to pinch myself the whole trip, and even now when I think about the children that we held, it all seems surreal. How on earth can we live in such affluence, in so much excess, when people are literally starving just a plane ride away. I honestly feel like I was stuck inside of a documentary. There is no way that what I saw and heard and experienced was real. Those children. Those families. The hundreds of children who we met and hugged and loved on, who were abandoned in fields, in garbage heaps, on the side of the road. Unbelievable. Devastating. Those precious babies. That trip did exactly what I prayed it would. It broke my heart in a way that I can never be the same.
And yet, it's hard to talk about because the words that come out of my mouth are nothing new. We know people are starving. We have seen the commercials and heard the pleas. We know that children are orphaned and that simple medicines could save millions of lives. We know all of the stats, but we feel a world away. We feel like there isn't a true difference we can make. The problems are just.so.BIG.
When people ask about the trip, I say that it was amazing, and it was. It was an incredible time of learning and growing in my faith. It was a blessed time with an amazing group of Christians who each traveled with us with the intention of seeing what God had in store for their next steps in life.
Richard Stearn is the president of Compassion International, and he wrote a book called, "The Hole in Our Gospel". It is a wonderful book and Bible Study, but the image that has stuck with me most is when he wrote about what our reactions are when we hear about a starving child in Africa vs. what our reactions would be if we opened our front door one morning and discovered a starving child on our front porch. Obviously, if a child in need showed up at our front door, we would feed them and clothe them and stop everything to get them the care that they need. When we are faced with a critical need, we find ways to meet the need. That is the message I am struggling to find words for...that these children do exist. These children asked us if we would pray for them. These children want nothing more than food and love. One day, a little girl had a head ache, and she asked me if she could use my lap just to rest her head until she felt better. As I rubbed her back and she rested there, my mothering instincts were going crazy. If this were my child, she would get tylenol for the pain, a big glass of water for hydration, and a nice snuggly blanket on the couch for rest. This little girl just wanted my lap and someone to hold her as she laid on the ground. Bless her heart.
And then....and then....as if that wasn't enough, Chloe gave me this note at the end of our trip...

One night Chloe came to me and said that she felt that God was calling her to do something. She cried as she told me about this feeling in her heart to share a message with the children of the ministry we were at in Kenya. I calmly talked to her as if this was the most normal conversation to be having with  my 10 year old daughter, but let me assure you all, I was freaking out. My little girl. My 10 year old was feeling God calling her to act, and she was ready. God. Is. Awesome. Maybe this is normal in some families, but as Dave and I have grown in our faith, we have just prayed that what we have learned and how we choose to live would rub off a little on our kids. We never had the guts to imagine what conversations we might have if God actually took the hearts of our children and began to use them for HIS purposes.
The morning after our conversation, Chloe stood up in front of 208 children and she led worship. She gave a sermon, the sermon that she felt God had given her to share, about how people don't need things to have power, they only need to know Jesus. She had a beautiful object lesson about how strong God is and she read Psalm 93 verse 4 about how God is stronger than the sea. She blew us all away.
And now, 2 months later, Chloe tells me that she has more to share. She asks me how she can make a blog for other people to read about the children in Africa and what struggles they have.
There is a message to be shared, and silly me, I thought I might be the messenger. I am so excited to watch what God is doing in her heart...and to share it with all of you. We just got her blog layout done tonight, but she is anxious to begin writing!