Part
Two of the questions sent to me on Facebook.
Still
curious?
Give me a topic and I would be happy to write about it!
How
was worship different?
The
town that we lived in was very heavily influenced by westerners, which was both
good and bad. We began by attending a “house church” led by other American
missionaries, and it was such a gift to grow in our faith with others who
understood our lives. We made some great friends who ended up supporting us
like family over the course of the year.
In
December, we really felt God calling us to move to a Ugandan-led church,
specifically the church that all of our closest Ugandan employees and co-workers
attended. It seemed more natural to be worshipping with those who we were also
doing life with throughout the week. So, for the rest of our time in Uganda, we
attended Calvary Chapel Jinja. Although the directors are American, the pastor
and church leadership is Ugandan.
I
think I expected a loud, movement filled, energetic worship time, but honestly,
the biggest differences were in the sincerity of prayer requests and praises
shared. We did sing and dance to worship songs in both English and Luganda and
the sermon was translated verse by verse, but when a sick child was better, or
a family was able to afford school fees, or there was enough food to last until
payday, those families dropped everything to come and thank
God publicly for the way He provided.
Worship
was very humble and the sermon messages were based on verse by verse reading of
scripture rather than being more story-like as we tend to be in the U.S.
Because of the fact that the prosperity gospel is rampant there and the fact
that most Ugandans don’t read the Bible for themselves, but have to trust what
they hear on the radio or in church, most reputable churches stick to the
scriptures very closely.
At
certain times, where we might add an “Amen!”, there was a special, high-pitched
“Aye. yay, yay” type chant that would be shouted. It was sort of a combination
between the noise my mom used to make to call us home for dinner and the noise
my kids make when they are bombarding each other with water balloons. It is a
wonderful, celebratory sound that I miss.
Coming
back, do your kids feel like they missed anything, or do they feel like the
rest of the people missed out on what your family was doing?
Watching
the kids transition home has been interesting. Returning physically and
practically hasn’t been hard, but emotionally and reflectively it has been
challenging. Even our older children are just beginning to enter the stage of
life where they can grasp abstract ideas such as justice and the great “Who am
I and what on earth am I here for” questions. Since thinking about and
communicating these issues is tricky, it manifests itself in heightened
emotions, being overwhelmed by simple tasks and a good deal of denial and
avoidance.
For
the most part, they haven’t had a strong desire to talk about Uganda. Sometimes
it’s just too hard to even think about the people we love there, so it’s easier
to pretend that life as we know it was just frozen in time. To not know if we
will ever have the chance to see these people again is hard, so remembering is
painful. I think that is something that they will unpack gradually as life goes
on and memories surface.
We
have had some great Skype sessions with David, our guard who became like
family, and the kids have really enjoyed those!
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Carter,
getting the sigiri ready for us to cook lunch. Things like this are so hard
to describe to peers and makes talking about Uganda difficult.
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With
their friends, it’s hard to share simple stories or memories because they
require so much explanation.
The
older ones have mentioned that they think their friends have missed out by not
having the opportunity to see Africa first-hand. There are so many things that
simply cannot be explained or contained in a photo.
They
definitely feel like they have had an amazing opportunity and feel like they go
the best of both worlds by being able to do life in two very different places.
While in Uganda, every day was such an adventure that the kids didn’t long for
anything, but now, being home, they appreciate being able to play sports, hang
with friends and ride bikes all around the neighborhood.
Do
you dream about being there and wake up to realize it was just a dream?
For
months I would dream about familiar places in America, and then wake up in
Uganda sort of sad. My dreams were always simple, like picking the kids up from
school or driving past familiar places. For some reason, my recurring dream was
simply driving eastbound on Raab Rd in Normal past Steak-n-Shake. I never
seemed to have a destination, but that is the part of my dream I remembered and
that struck an emotional chord with me. I so longed for simple things when we
were away. I longed to drive familiar roads, to sit in “my spot” in church, or
to take a deep breath that didn’t smell like burning garbage.
Since
being home, I haven’t had any dreams of Uganda that I can remember. I actually
can’t think of any dreams that I have remembered since being home. Much of that
probably has to do with stress levels and sleep patterns being all mixed up.
I
do hope that at some point I can visit Uganda in my dreams. What a gift it
would be to walk the familiar roads and greet those friends that I miss so
much, even if only in a dream.
What
was the first American cuisine you had? Or what did you miss most about
American food?
We
did sit at dinner many nights and discuss the question, “If you could have one
thing to eat right now, what would it be?” It was pure torture! We missed
ice-cold milk, sour cream and real cheese. There was one dairy in town where
they made these things specifically for the Westerners, but it was too
expensive to have regularly, so for cooking we got boxed milk that didn’t need
refrigeration and we ate the “cheese” that never actually melted.
Although
the food was not bad by any means, it was simply more complicated. It was so
difficult and time-consuming to prepare meals, and due to all of the creepy,
crawly bugs that lived with us, even storing food and having it in the house
was often a problem.
We
were greeted our first night in America with a dinner from Biaggi’s Restaurant
which had been dropped off by a friend, so it was a delicious start! Many of
the things that we missed so much or that were part of our discussion over
Ugandan dinners we still haven’t had yet. I think we simply missed them because
we couldn’t access them at the time.
Although
we didn't know we missed them, we all have been eating our weight in bagels and
cream cheese since our return. I am also enjoying Drumsticks ice cream treats
and Charleston Chews.
Do
you feel dissatisfied & disappointed with American life since it is
customary to take so many things for granted?
We
are not dissatisfied with American life. If anything, I think we are much more
grateful. I appreciate our home and air conditioning and the ease of traveling
on good roads to see family. I am thankful for the opportunities that we have
and the freedom to create the lives that we want for ourselves without
oppression. Even though our justice system has its issues, the corruption that
we see in this country is NOTHING compared to Uganda. I see my privilege more
clearly now whereas I used to focus on what I lacked.
Something
that I am struggling with currently, and I don’t know if it is an American
thing or simply a human thing, is taking sides on any issue.
As
many of you know, I am and have always been a very opinionated person. Give me
a topic, and I used to be able to tell you exactly where I stood. I have always
been very sure of myself and I love researching topics and learning to gain
knowledge on many topics.
My
foundation was shaken in Uganda though.
Things
that I was absolutely sure were truths, turned out not to be.
Things
that I had read as an American turned out to be absolute lies.
Ministries
and people who I had followed on social media and blogs, in real-life were not
all they had claimed to be. One good picture of a sad, little African child
could raise thousands of dollars even if they never did anything to help that
child or anyone like him.
The
deception is great, and to live that was hard.
I
am trying to differentiate what I can really know to be true and what makes me
feel better to believe is true. We are so quick to jump on bandwagons and share
articles and have opinions on any given topic on any given day, and honestly,
we have no idea of the truth unless we are directly involved.
I
need to re-learn how to trust information and people again. I am much more
skeptical of everything that I read. I am doubtful of anyone who claims to know
anything for sure or who has a passionate opinion. I am much more drawn to
someone who would say that they don’t know, but are seeking truth.
Please
share a few cultural differences that you admire about the people you met.
I
LOVED the relational emphasis on life in Uganda. You would never walk up to
someone and just start talking or wave at someone as you passed. When you see
someone, you stop what you are doing, engage in a thorough and genuine greeting
and only then can you continue. You might even continue to hold hands the whole
time while you talk. I miss that pace of life and that nature of
relationships. No one seemed to beat around the bush or pretend to be something
that they aren't. That was refreshing and made doing life imperfectly much
easier.
People
always seem to come back from developing nations and say that the people had
very little, but were just so happy. I find this sort of cliche, and slightly
inaccurate. If you observed from the outside or only met someone one time, I
see how it could appear this way. Most Ugandans would not burden you with their
struggles, just as we wouldn't lead with our failures when meeting someone new,
but there is deep pain, oppression, and a lack of hope in the lives of many who
live in poverty.
Although
the people are incredible at finding joy, creating joy, I wouldn't say that
they are overwhelmingly happy. Many have the same dreams and goals as we do,
but due to circumstances beyond their control, a society that is set up
to "keep people in their places", and an overwhelming amount of
ineffective ministries, they simply cannot live the lives that they want
without outside help.
I
love that despite all of this, when given an opportunity, they will do just
about anything to succeed. They will humble themselves, work harder than you or
I could ever imagine, and sacrifice everything that they have. Many Ugandans
truly want more, want better for themselves, but the systems are not there to
enable them to improve their lives without help.
The
kids seem to have adjusted well. Is that assumption true and what (if anything)
was the hardest thing for each of them to adjust to- being back home?
The
kids truly have adjusted well. They were incredible travelers and were so easy
going with all of the changes when we first got to Uganda, and they are being
troopers now that we are back as well. They truly are resilient. So much of
their identity is based on us as a family, so as long as we are all together
and well, then each of them seem to be confident and secure. Dave and I just
began couples counseling last week to keep our foundation secure. The greatest
gift we can give our kids is a solid marriage, and we are in a season right now
where that takes a little more work than usual.
As
I have written about previously, the emotions are all bubbling very near the
surface, so we have had some breakdowns every now and again, but that has been
the worst of it.
The
hardest part for them, I think, is having these big emotions, but not being
able to define the cause. They are used to being mad about an event and crying,
but to feel so overwhelmed with sadness and not be able to pinpoint the cause
is new to them. We have had to explain quite a bit that sometimes our bodies
just need to cry, and that we should let them.
Did
you ever feel unsafe or in danger? I have no idea what the political culture is
over there.
We
lived just a few blocks from the home where the Ugandan President stays when he
is in Jinja, so we were in a great “neighborhood”. The country is pretty stable
politically also, so overall, it was peaceful, but at the same time, if there
was ever a crowd, we would not want to be caught anywhere near it and
pick-pocketing was a constant threat.
I
really missed having the ability to call 911. My mind was really good at racing
to worst-case scenarios. There was no 24-hour emergency room, no ambulances, no
fire trucks, and no way to call police…even if you walked to the police
station, the police only work on bribes supposedly. There was no sense of
security for me in that respect, but fortunately, we never had a need for any
of that any ways.
Although
we were in a peaceful city, things get out of control very quickly, and you
can’t just call the police to diffuse a situation. If someone is accused of
stealing from the market, a group of people would just catch the person and
beat them, and everyone would be satisfied that justice was served. Everyone is
guilty just by accusation, and there is no chance to prove innocence. Beating
someone to death if they stole or broke onto someone else’s property is
acceptable and almost expected.
One
time we were driving down Main Street and we don’t know what started it, but a
pick-up truck with about 10 guys in it came barreling down the road chasing
another vehicle with no regard for the crowded streets or the hundreds of
people. They were on a mission to “serve justice” at any cost. While all of the
Ugandans ran to follow and see the outcome, we quickly turned around and drove
the other direction as fast as we could.
Politically
and culturally, due to the color of our skin, we were respected and admired,
for the most part in a very positive way. It is a great social boost for a
Ugandan to have an American friend, or to be seen with Americans, so the kids
especially felt like rock stars. In that way, we felt safe. Ugandans were happy
to have us there.
What,
if any item/luxury item would you consider doing without now that you are back
in the states if you had to pick one thing?
This
is a hard question for a few reasons. 1) We went for so long (years leading up
to Uganda and then the year itself) without many luxuries, I feel like we
deserve them now more than ever. 2) We live a fairly simple life, so what are
luxuries to us are most likely the norm to others.
One
luxury that we now enjoy: air conditioning. As soon as it got hot, it wasn’t
even a question, we just turned it right on.
Although
we missed our dishwasher and garbage disposal, we could do without those. In
fact, once we moved back into our own house, I had gotten completely done
washing our first set of dinner dishes by hand when I realized that I could
have stuck them all in the dishwasher!
I
enjoy air conditioning in our van. I appreciate the luxury of paved roads.
I
lived without a dryer, but I didn’t enjoy it. I like warm, soft, bright, clean
clothes.
We
discovered long ago that we could go without television and we haven’t had
cable in a really long time, but we did just sign up for Netflix and ordered
our own wi-fi instead of sharing our neighbors like we had been for over a year
before we left. Many family members do enjoy television and movies though, so
we do own a few and are enjoying movies and shows.
Once
we start working again and can save up some money, we will buy a nice
sectional. The furniture was so, so uncomfortable in Uganda, and even hurt my
back quite a bit. A good couch is so much more than a luxury though, it is also
a family snuggling spot, a place of fellowship for guests and a welcoming part
of our home.
So,
I didn’t really answer the question well, but I do know that guilt does no good
for anyone. If you are feeling convicted, like you would be happier or more
engaged in life by eliminating certain luxuries from your life, then I believe
you should honor that and try living without it. If life is more stressful and
you are more engaged by using those luxury items, then I say, “Go for it!”
There is not one right way for all of us to live. We are all on different paths
with very different lessons to learn.
How
did you learn the language? I know younger kids often pick up on the language
faster that adults learning a new language.
The
official language of Uganda is English, so that is what is spoken in schools
and is what kids are taught to read. Many Ugandans don’t have the ability to
attend school consistently, if at all, though. Many of the people we worked
with in the villages did not speak English, but spoke Luganda, so our Ugandan
co-workers were interpreters for us. There are many, many languages native to
Uganda, and different villages spoke different languages, so although we
learned some, it really would only be beneficial if we went back to that exact
area of Uganda.
While
we did pick up some greetings and frequently used words, that was the extent of
it. The kids did pick it up much faster than Dave and I. I even tried studying
flash cards and practicing phrases with anyone who listen to me, but nothing
seemed to stick in my brain like it used to.
