I had this great idea to interview the kids and see what adoption means to them and what they think about our adoption process so far. I dreamt that we would have a sweet memento of this time in our lives and how the kids felt in their hearts.
Well, they each told me how they felt, and I am sure you can guess where this is going.
After interviewing each of the kids, I am not even sure we can look at these videos again until everyone is old enough and secure enough to laugh about it.
In my mind it I thought I'd hear them say things like "fun", "lots of love", "caring for kids who need us", etc. What I heard were "annoying", "crazy", "weird" and "bad". Oh, well. At least they are comfortable enough to be honest.
When I asked Halie what adoption means, she said, "Baby Jesus". Miss Kelley would be proud...she already knows the correct answer to every question in church! ;)
When I was talking to her about being adopted and becoming a McMorris, she said laughing and with a huge grin, "No, I don't want to be a McMorris! I don't want to live with you. I want Grandma Nancy to adopt me." Remember that post I wrote about needing thick skin to do this job of parenting...
Day to day the kids are happy and enjoy each other most of the time. Dave and I are amazed really at the progress that has been made in the 4 months that they have been with us. (And Jasmine came a month later than the other two, so for her it's only been 3 months.)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Baby steps in the right direction
Some fun little tidbits of the McLife lately...
Wren learned to write "MOM", so it's on every paper she draws on. I love that after she learned to write her name, mine was next! She is getting so big.
Dave passed his kidney stone after an excruciating three days last week. I was telling him that it was probably caused by all the pop he drinks (I will blame pop on EVERY ailment), but it turns out that it was caused by too much dairy consumption. Who knew?!?!
After weeks of telling Carter that I wouldn't let him turn 6 because I couldn't stand the thought of him being that old, he in fact, turned 6. It's funny how different ages with the different kids hit me harder than others. With Chloe, 5 seemed like such a milestone, but with Carter 6 really feels old. Tomorrow is the big Chuck E. Cheese party. They have a new thing there called the Ticket Blaster, and that is the sole reason Chuck E. Cheese was chosen as the party location. For 30 seconds Carter will be put in a giant cylinder that blows around tickets and he has to grab as many as he can. I better be worth it!
Mara came by to visit today, which was a very nice surprise. She is home for the weekend and gearing up for her first week of college finals. She showed me the present that she made for Chloe for Christmas, and it is the sweetest testiment to the love between these sisters. Mara made a beautiful scrapbook, and I just know that Chloe will cry happy tears when she opens it!
Speaking of emotional Chloe...we have "chats" every once in a while before bed, and this week was a doosy. After the rest of the kids are tucked into bed, Chloe and I sit together in a comfy chair and talk about life, friends, school, etc. I took the opportunity to check in with her about family life, but I was not prepared for the response I got. I asked what she thought about adoption and having a new brother and sisters. She said, "Adoption is good, but I don't want to say any more about it because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." Uh-Oh. I knew there was lots more behind that. I assured her that she could say anything and that I wanted to know how she felt in her heart. She really didn't want to say anything and resisted for a little while, then, when she opened up, the tears fell like crazy. She said that it's hard being a big sister to so many kids and that it's always so crazy. She wishes the younger kids would listen more and not be so wild.
I am so glad that she can express these feelings, and that Dave and I can be aware of the pressure and stress that she feels. Change is hard for everyone, no matter how old they are. I should get a referral for counseling next week when our caseworker visits. I think it will be such a good opportunity for everyone.
Halie has been having a rough couple weeks as well. She came off the bus from school smiling today, and I could have cried it was such a beautiful sight. It made me realize how often she has NOT been smiling lately. When she's had emotional periods in the past, there has been an event that seemed to correlate, but this time, I have no idea what is causing her sadness. She has thrown several temper tantrums, and that has not happened in a long time. When I talked with her today, I asked her what I could do to help. She tells me that she is sad, but can't really express why. So today she said, "Mom, I think I need you to pray." I asked her what she wanted me to pray for and she said, "that God can make my heart happy." So pray we did. She is such a sweet, sweet girl.
For two weeks Brice has been looking forward to the day when the kindergarten classes would make gingerbread houses. Well, today was the day, and he was THRILLED! Last Friday was ornament making day, and he couldn't get home from school fast enought to hang up HIS ornaments on the tree. I don't know what his previous Christmas experiences have been like, but he has a million questions about how this whole "santa thing" works. I read him a book about the basics...Santa makes toys with his elves at the North Pole, he puts them all on his sleigh, the reindeer fly, Santa magically goes down each chimney and delivers presents, etc. He listened like he would to any story, but then I said, "Santa will fly over our house, and Brice, Santa will leave lots of presents for you!" He was shocked. He was so excited that he could barely sit still. We sort of take for granted that our kids grow up learning what Christmas means to our family. Before they understand it, they experience how our family celebrates and sort of grow into it. This year, we have three kids who are learning our traditions as we go. It's a whole new experience. That joy though, to be able to tell Brice that Santa knows him and has gifts for him...that was a special moment.
Jasmine snuggled with me on the couch tonight. For those of you who have met her, you know, this was a BIG deal. This girl doesn't sit still...ever. Tonight she snuggled and shared my mozzerella bites while I watched some TV, and it was fun. I know, she was probably there just because I was sharing my food, but it's a baby step in the right direction, and I will take it!
Wren learned to write "MOM", so it's on every paper she draws on. I love that after she learned to write her name, mine was next! She is getting so big.
Dave passed his kidney stone after an excruciating three days last week. I was telling him that it was probably caused by all the pop he drinks (I will blame pop on EVERY ailment), but it turns out that it was caused by too much dairy consumption. Who knew?!?!
After weeks of telling Carter that I wouldn't let him turn 6 because I couldn't stand the thought of him being that old, he in fact, turned 6. It's funny how different ages with the different kids hit me harder than others. With Chloe, 5 seemed like such a milestone, but with Carter 6 really feels old. Tomorrow is the big Chuck E. Cheese party. They have a new thing there called the Ticket Blaster, and that is the sole reason Chuck E. Cheese was chosen as the party location. For 30 seconds Carter will be put in a giant cylinder that blows around tickets and he has to grab as many as he can. I better be worth it!
Mara came by to visit today, which was a very nice surprise. She is home for the weekend and gearing up for her first week of college finals. She showed me the present that she made for Chloe for Christmas, and it is the sweetest testiment to the love between these sisters. Mara made a beautiful scrapbook, and I just know that Chloe will cry happy tears when she opens it!
Speaking of emotional Chloe...we have "chats" every once in a while before bed, and this week was a doosy. After the rest of the kids are tucked into bed, Chloe and I sit together in a comfy chair and talk about life, friends, school, etc. I took the opportunity to check in with her about family life, but I was not prepared for the response I got. I asked what she thought about adoption and having a new brother and sisters. She said, "Adoption is good, but I don't want to say any more about it because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." Uh-Oh. I knew there was lots more behind that. I assured her that she could say anything and that I wanted to know how she felt in her heart. She really didn't want to say anything and resisted for a little while, then, when she opened up, the tears fell like crazy. She said that it's hard being a big sister to so many kids and that it's always so crazy. She wishes the younger kids would listen more and not be so wild.
I am so glad that she can express these feelings, and that Dave and I can be aware of the pressure and stress that she feels. Change is hard for everyone, no matter how old they are. I should get a referral for counseling next week when our caseworker visits. I think it will be such a good opportunity for everyone.
Halie has been having a rough couple weeks as well. She came off the bus from school smiling today, and I could have cried it was such a beautiful sight. It made me realize how often she has NOT been smiling lately. When she's had emotional periods in the past, there has been an event that seemed to correlate, but this time, I have no idea what is causing her sadness. She has thrown several temper tantrums, and that has not happened in a long time. When I talked with her today, I asked her what I could do to help. She tells me that she is sad, but can't really express why. So today she said, "Mom, I think I need you to pray." I asked her what she wanted me to pray for and she said, "that God can make my heart happy." So pray we did. She is such a sweet, sweet girl.
For two weeks Brice has been looking forward to the day when the kindergarten classes would make gingerbread houses. Well, today was the day, and he was THRILLED! Last Friday was ornament making day, and he couldn't get home from school fast enought to hang up HIS ornaments on the tree. I don't know what his previous Christmas experiences have been like, but he has a million questions about how this whole "santa thing" works. I read him a book about the basics...Santa makes toys with his elves at the North Pole, he puts them all on his sleigh, the reindeer fly, Santa magically goes down each chimney and delivers presents, etc. He listened like he would to any story, but then I said, "Santa will fly over our house, and Brice, Santa will leave lots of presents for you!" He was shocked. He was so excited that he could barely sit still. We sort of take for granted that our kids grow up learning what Christmas means to our family. Before they understand it, they experience how our family celebrates and sort of grow into it. This year, we have three kids who are learning our traditions as we go. It's a whole new experience. That joy though, to be able to tell Brice that Santa knows him and has gifts for him...that was a special moment.
Jasmine snuggled with me on the couch tonight. For those of you who have met her, you know, this was a BIG deal. This girl doesn't sit still...ever. Tonight she snuggled and shared my mozzerella bites while I watched some TV, and it was fun. I know, she was probably there just because I was sharing my food, but it's a baby step in the right direction, and I will take it!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Praying BIG!
I was asked several weeks ago if I would do the children's sermon at church. I enthusiastically said yes....and then I proceded to forget completely about it until last night...12 hours before said sermon.
Thankfully, I have built some one-on-one time with God into each Sunday morning. Although I am free to sub in Sunday school classes during that time, most weeks, it has enabled me to do my Bible study or simply read the Bible. (I am attempting to read it cover to cover for the first time in my life...currently I am in the book of Numbers.)
So, as I sat there listening to the choir practice for the upcoming service, I prayed. I prayed that God would give me the words that our children (and grown-ups) needed to hear today.
The verse was Ephesians 3:20-21,
I laughed, and then I prayed bigger. I prayed to open the hearts of our congregation. I prayed for peace to overcome the earth. I prayed that my life, my public life and my private life, my role as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, and as a disciple would be pleasing to God at each and every moment. I prayed for my husband and I to feel God's grace, be filled with His patience, and to remember that it is His will, not ours!
The service started, the praise songs spoke right to my heart, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, and wouldn't you know it, the words came. The children's sermon about praying big prayers, was great. It helped that I had tied Smarties in, so each child got to take candy back to their pews, but, I believe, that even without the candy, God spoke loud and clear today.
For that, I am so thankful.
Thankfully, I have built some one-on-one time with God into each Sunday morning. Although I am free to sub in Sunday school classes during that time, most weeks, it has enabled me to do my Bible study or simply read the Bible. (I am attempting to read it cover to cover for the first time in my life...currently I am in the book of Numbers.)
So, as I sat there listening to the choir practice for the upcoming service, I prayed. I prayed that God would give me the words that our children (and grown-ups) needed to hear today.
The verse was Ephesians 3:20-21,
"God's power is so vast that we can't even imagine the extent of what He can do. When we bring our requests to Him, we can be confident that absolutely nothing is beyond His ability to do."
What a verse! As I sat there just asking him to give me the words, He was saying something like, "Seriously, you just want a 2 minute children's sermon? Pray bigger. I can do so much more than you could ever imagine!" I laughed, and then I prayed bigger. I prayed to open the hearts of our congregation. I prayed for peace to overcome the earth. I prayed that my life, my public life and my private life, my role as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, and as a disciple would be pleasing to God at each and every moment. I prayed for my husband and I to feel God's grace, be filled with His patience, and to remember that it is His will, not ours!
The service started, the praise songs spoke right to my heart, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, and wouldn't you know it, the words came. The children's sermon about praying big prayers, was great. It helped that I had tied Smarties in, so each child got to take candy back to their pews, but, I believe, that even without the candy, God spoke loud and clear today.
For that, I am so thankful.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
We had our monthly visit with the adoption caseworker today. She always comes at 4pm, which is the busiest time of the daycare day, but it works with her schedule, so we do it. Luckily, the kids were content playing in the basement during that time because Sissy came over to watch them. All went well. We have decided to get a referral for counseling. It's not as easy as calling and making an appointment. The caseworker has to find an agency that can see them and then get approval. It should all go through, it will just take forever. I would like to have all of the kids go to counseling at least for an initial evaluation. My oh-so-wise mother made the point that just because Halie is the only one demonstrating her inner "junk" through negative behavior, it doesn't mean that the other kids don't have it. So, once we get approval, I am going to see about Chloe, Carter, Brice and Halie starting counseling.
Brice, Halie and Jasmine got to go over to Grandma Nancy's for a sleepover last weekend, and it was such a blessing! I never know if those interactions, whether in person or one the phone will make Halie happy or sad, but this time it was ALL GOOD! They had fun for two day, and there were no tears when I picked up, on the way home, or during the past week. I think that Halie might actually be starting to believe us when we say that she will get to see Grandma Nancy. I sure hope so. I want her to trust us and feel in her heart that she did not lose Grandma and Grandpa, but that it has just changed.
While on the subject of Grandma and Grandpa, I must say that Nancy and Mike are phenominal people. They are truly a family that puts the children first. They would drive to the end of the earth to visit with these kids, I believe. Even though they have no legal responsibility to these children, they want to continue to love them and maintain a relationship with them. We are adopting the kids legally, but they are adopting these "grandchildren" out of pure love.
We are all getting excted about the holidays. You would think that adding three more kids to Christmas would be stressful, but we have discovered this new concept called a "budget" ;-) and it has made it much easier than I anticipated. We can't wait to celebrate as a whole family.
Brice, Halie and Jasmine got to go over to Grandma Nancy's for a sleepover last weekend, and it was such a blessing! I never know if those interactions, whether in person or one the phone will make Halie happy or sad, but this time it was ALL GOOD! They had fun for two day, and there were no tears when I picked up, on the way home, or during the past week. I think that Halie might actually be starting to believe us when we say that she will get to see Grandma Nancy. I sure hope so. I want her to trust us and feel in her heart that she did not lose Grandma and Grandpa, but that it has just changed.
While on the subject of Grandma and Grandpa, I must say that Nancy and Mike are phenominal people. They are truly a family that puts the children first. They would drive to the end of the earth to visit with these kids, I believe. Even though they have no legal responsibility to these children, they want to continue to love them and maintain a relationship with them. We are adopting the kids legally, but they are adopting these "grandchildren" out of pure love.
We are all getting excted about the holidays. You would think that adding three more kids to Christmas would be stressful, but we have discovered this new concept called a "budget" ;-) and it has made it much easier than I anticipated. We can't wait to celebrate as a whole family.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A Fun Reminder and Trick or Treating
Toy Story 3 came out on video today. Not really blog worthy except that 1) it was actually available from Redbox and 2) it was one of the ways God made it clear to us that we were meant to adopt Brice, Halie and Jasmine. I had forgotten about that until I saw Bonnie, the sweet little cartoon girl, again.
We had just met the kids and we were in the "pray until something happens" phase. The plan was to not begin the process again until October, and there we sat, in June. Dave and I both felt our hearts jump after we met the kids, and we really were feeling like these could be our kids, but it didn't go with our plan, so I was hesitant.
Then, we took Chloe, Carter and Wren to the theater to see Toy Story 3. As soon as this little girl popped on the screen, Dave and I looked at each other and just laughed. She looked just like Halie. Short brown hair, great big brown eyes, and the sweetest smile.
And now, Dave and I have been commenting how we don't even remember life before being a family of 9.
Halloween was so exciting! Although we had been talking about Halloween for over a month, Jasmine walked up the first house, said, "Trick or Treat" and then came running back to us yelling, "Candy, they gave me candy!" She was shocked! Obviously she didn't remember that candy was involved in the process. After each house, she would run so excitedly on to the next one, that all of the newly acquired candy would spill out into the grass.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Oh, One More Thing Worth Mentioning :-)
Our neighbor, who is about 8 months pregnant came over today. Jasmine and Halie were fascinated by her belly. We talked about how there was a little baby girl growing in there and Halie just kept asking, "Why?" Well, that's just how babies grow...That's the way God made it...Their family is going to have a new baby soon...I wasn't sure what answer she was looking for.
Then, my neighbor left and Halie looked at me, rubbed my belly, and said, "Mommy, I want you to grow a baby in your belly, too!"
Hahaha! I don't think so. Seven kids, all walking and potty trained is more my speed. Thank you very much.
Then, my neighbor left and Halie looked at me, rubbed my belly, and said, "Mommy, I want you to grow a baby in your belly, too!"
Hahaha! I don't think so. Seven kids, all walking and potty trained is more my speed. Thank you very much.
Any Thoughts?
The kids had their "final" visit with their biological parents last Monday. They really are such sweet people. Both Mom and Dad (and the supervisor from DCFS) got to take the kids to the zoo in town, play at a park and have a snack at McDonald's. Mom and Dad took lots of pictures and just had fun playing with the kiddos. The kids were excited to see them, but nervous at the same time. I don't think they completely understand who these people are. They have had visits with them on and off for the past year, but still, it's confusing to them.
I had the opportunity to take a family picture of all 5 of them together. Mom was grateful and said that they never had a picture taken with all of them together. I can't wait to send them to her. She also gave me a photo album of all the pictures that she has of the kids as babies. What an amazing gift that is. So many adopted kids don't have photos of their lives before adoption, and really struggle with that later in life. I am beyond excited to have photos of Jasmine when she was born, Brice as an infant and when he had surgery on his skull at 11 months old, and Halie as an adorable, chubby faced baby.
This week we will meet with the adoption caseworker to see what the next step in the process is. I am excited to meet her and to move forward. Even if it's just filling our papers, at least it's something for me to do while we wait the 6 months until it's final.
I also am trying to schedule a time to meet with a few people who are experienced in all things adoption to get advice on a few issues. I have read several adoption books, but just as it is with parenting, each child and each situation is different from the next, so I feel like a brand new parent all over again. Each decision feels so critical, and I feel like I have too much control and not enough information to make the right choices.
A few of the things we are muddling through are...
Parenting is definately a journey like no other.
I had the opportunity to take a family picture of all 5 of them together. Mom was grateful and said that they never had a picture taken with all of them together. I can't wait to send them to her. She also gave me a photo album of all the pictures that she has of the kids as babies. What an amazing gift that is. So many adopted kids don't have photos of their lives before adoption, and really struggle with that later in life. I am beyond excited to have photos of Jasmine when she was born, Brice as an infant and when he had surgery on his skull at 11 months old, and Halie as an adorable, chubby faced baby.
This week we will meet with the adoption caseworker to see what the next step in the process is. I am excited to meet her and to move forward. Even if it's just filling our papers, at least it's something for me to do while we wait the 6 months until it's final.
I also am trying to schedule a time to meet with a few people who are experienced in all things adoption to get advice on a few issues. I have read several adoption books, but just as it is with parenting, each child and each situation is different from the next, so I feel like a brand new parent all over again. Each decision feels so critical, and I feel like I have too much control and not enough information to make the right choices.
A few of the things we are muddling through are...
- How much contact do we want the kids to have with their biological parents and family now and throughout life? This is completely up to Dave and I to decide. The parents don't have rights to the children at all, but still, what is the Christian response? What is best for the children? and Why do I feel called to minister to the parents as well? Shouldn't we love them unconditionally and be examples of Christ's love as long as it is not detrimental to the kids at all?
- Should we begin counseling for the kids right away? Although we don't see any direct need for counseling right now, and the kids seem too young to receive any benefit from it, we also don't want to wait until we see problems. What is the right way to be proactive? Is introducing another stranger to the kids right now and expecting them to open up to him or her a good idea? Should we wait 6 month or so and let family life and school life become routine before starting anything new with them?
- There are so many new people in the kids' lives that I know it is confusing. A new house, new church, new schools, etc. In each new environment there are new groups of people to meet. We also have several different people who watch our kids on occasion. I just don't know how to live life without the kids meeting so many people! Although Halie has not been able to put anyting into words, she has acted out for all of our baby-sitters and in the nursery and Sunday school class at church. We have decided that we will only have Lindsay, my daycare assistant, watch the kids until we become more settled, since she is the most familiar with them, but what about church? Do I pull Halie from Sunday school? Do we not introduce the kids to our close friends and family? Or, do we just get through this "meeting new people phase" knowing that the kids will learn to differentiate our friends from our acquaintances?
Parenting is definately a journey like no other.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
In case you didn't see it on Facebook...
We celebrated becoming a family of 9 at Chuck E. Cheese tonight!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Bittersweet
Last Wednesday, I traveled over to Champaign for our termination hearing. This is the time in court when parents are told that they are out of chances and that their parental rights will be no more. At that time, the parents can surrender their rights (sign a paper allowing their children to be adopted) or they can request that it goes to trial.
I was fairly confident that the biological dad was planning on surrendering his rights, but my last conversation with biological mom (a week ago at the kids' visit), had me thinking that she was wanting to take it to trial. She told me actually that she wanted to go to trial. Not in a mean way at all, just very matter-of-fact, "I'm not going to surrender, I'm going to have a trial." This conversation occured the very first time that I met mom, and what I had been anticipating as a wondefully powerful moment of meeting this woman who gave birth to these amazing children actually turned into a gut-wrenching experience. How do you respond to a woman who is very kind and gentle, but simply does not understand that she has run out of chances to parent her children.
Well, I responded in the only way I knew how. I smiled and nodded and left as quickly as I could. The kids had a nice visit with her, and I just waited for them to be dropped back off at home. Now, I knew that she didn't have a chance at getting them back. I knew that she was losing her rights one way or the other, but just thinking about dragging this out through a trial was a devastating thought.
Fast forward to last Wednesday. As I sat outside the courtroom waiting for the hearing to begin, I saw a man that I recognized from pictures as "dad" approaching. I immediately jumped up and introduced myself. Mom was not far behind him. We all shook hands and chatted and mom asked how the kids were doing. I was so happy for the kids when she asked. I was so glad that when they ask about their mom I can say, with confidence and a specific example, that mom loved them and cared so much about their lives. I made sure to tell her some fun details about each of them, and she and dad were so glad to hear all that I had to share.
I asked them each about work and school, and they were so excited to share with me all that they are working on and their goals for the future. They are the sweetest people, really. It's weird to say that, but they are just so innocent and immature. They love their kids so much, they just don't know how to be parents.
I feel for them. I wonder how their lives may have had different outcomes if someone had loved them unconditionally and had given them the opportunities to learn and grow that they deserved.
Then, their lawyers arrived and casually said, "So, we have the surrender documents. Do either of you have any questions?" My heart broke for them, but they were just so casual about it. Then mom told me that it was a really hard day for her. "I can not even imagine," is all I could say. Then, we headed into court.
It was true. Both mom and dad made a difficult, but awesome decision to allow the kids to be adopted.
Talk about a bittersweet moment. As I sat in the courtroom and listened to the questions..."Do you understand that by signing these papers you will no longer have any rights regarding these children? Even if you change your mind 5 minutes from now, this can never be undone. Do you understand?"... my heart broke for them while at the same time it pounded in excitement for our family and this new beginning.
So, the kids are officially adoptable. The process is underway, and the adoption court date is set for March 25th.
God is so good to us!
I was fairly confident that the biological dad was planning on surrendering his rights, but my last conversation with biological mom (a week ago at the kids' visit), had me thinking that she was wanting to take it to trial. She told me actually that she wanted to go to trial. Not in a mean way at all, just very matter-of-fact, "I'm not going to surrender, I'm going to have a trial." This conversation occured the very first time that I met mom, and what I had been anticipating as a wondefully powerful moment of meeting this woman who gave birth to these amazing children actually turned into a gut-wrenching experience. How do you respond to a woman who is very kind and gentle, but simply does not understand that she has run out of chances to parent her children.
Well, I responded in the only way I knew how. I smiled and nodded and left as quickly as I could. The kids had a nice visit with her, and I just waited for them to be dropped back off at home. Now, I knew that she didn't have a chance at getting them back. I knew that she was losing her rights one way or the other, but just thinking about dragging this out through a trial was a devastating thought.
Fast forward to last Wednesday. As I sat outside the courtroom waiting for the hearing to begin, I saw a man that I recognized from pictures as "dad" approaching. I immediately jumped up and introduced myself. Mom was not far behind him. We all shook hands and chatted and mom asked how the kids were doing. I was so happy for the kids when she asked. I was so glad that when they ask about their mom I can say, with confidence and a specific example, that mom loved them and cared so much about their lives. I made sure to tell her some fun details about each of them, and she and dad were so glad to hear all that I had to share.
I asked them each about work and school, and they were so excited to share with me all that they are working on and their goals for the future. They are the sweetest people, really. It's weird to say that, but they are just so innocent and immature. They love their kids so much, they just don't know how to be parents.
I feel for them. I wonder how their lives may have had different outcomes if someone had loved them unconditionally and had given them the opportunities to learn and grow that they deserved.
Then, their lawyers arrived and casually said, "So, we have the surrender documents. Do either of you have any questions?" My heart broke for them, but they were just so casual about it. Then mom told me that it was a really hard day for her. "I can not even imagine," is all I could say. Then, we headed into court.
It was true. Both mom and dad made a difficult, but awesome decision to allow the kids to be adopted.
Talk about a bittersweet moment. As I sat in the courtroom and listened to the questions..."Do you understand that by signing these papers you will no longer have any rights regarding these children? Even if you change your mind 5 minutes from now, this can never be undone. Do you understand?"... my heart broke for them while at the same time it pounded in excitement for our family and this new beginning.
So, the kids are officially adoptable. The process is underway, and the adoption court date is set for March 25th.
God is so good to us!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Thick Skin
Some bloggers quote Bible verses, and someday, I hope to be one of those bloggers, but today, I quote my fortune cookie.
"Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it."
Alright, so all is truly going very well. We are having so much fun with our new, big family, as I have mentioned before. But, so much of it is a matter of perspective, I think.
For example, Halie has said the following to me in the last week:
"Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it."
Alright, so all is truly going very well. We are having so much fun with our new, big family, as I have mentioned before. But, so much of it is a matter of perspective, I think.
"I will hide in a place where you will never find me and I won't have to go home with you."
said to Grandma Nancy "I don't want them to be my Mommy and Daddy."
"I want my Mommy...and it's NOT you."
Normally, I think that those comments might hurt a little bit. Instead of letting it hurt me, or even feel like it has anything to do with me, I am grateful that she feels comfortable enough to express her feelings openly and honestly. We sit together, Halie and I, and talk about how much "we" miss Grandma and how "we" think that it would be nice to go there every day. We often look at her picture book from the past year as well as the pictures from the "send off party" that we had there last Friday.
For years I have prayed for God to be working in my heart, helping to prepare me for our adoption journey. I prayed that he would mold me into the foster/adoptive mom that He needed me to be for whatever kids he had planned for us. Now, I thank God that he did just that. He has given me an abundance of little hugs and kisses and "Mommy, you're the best!"s to help thicken my skin for the "You're not my Mommy!"s.
I am so grateful for the process and the faith that I have that God is using it all for good.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Making Macaroni Wrapped in a Prayer Shawl
I know that we can't live in the "mountain top moments" all of our lives, but boy, I would like it if we could. On Friday morning, when I got the call saying that we could pick up Jasmine for good, I couldn't contain myself. I was jumping up and down...really, I was...Becca was there to see it! The children that I had been praying for for years, ("God, I lift up to you my children. All of the children that you have planned for my family. Whoever and wherever they are, I pray that you hold them in your arms and protect them until I can do that and so much more."), were finally under one roof, and I was praying with them. Amazing day! For me it truly felt just like the day that each of my biological children were born...but without the pain, sleepless nights and hospital stay. :)
A dear friend told me that I was "glowing". Just right for a new mom.
Another great friend wrote on my facebook, "The only thing better than reading about this was getting to see your face when you told me in person!!!! I wish I had a picture of that for you:)"
I wish I could bottle that day up to save forever, but here I sit, on a new day, making macaroni and cheese for the kids while wrapped in the prayer shawl I was given at church today. Back to the laundry and cleaning and meal making that I call life. Don't get me wrong...I love it all, and I am blessed beyond anything I ever imagined for my life, I just feel myself heading down from that mountain top bit by bit. It reminds me that life goes on and after spending some time in pure joy and fulfillment, the rest of life always goes back to just plain normal. I take tons of pictures and journal about it all so that on some of those normal days, I can go back and grab a piece of the experience.
In one of my favorite Rob Bell videos, he compares life to a hospital. In one room a new baby brings ultimate joy, in another someone dies and grieving begins. Although we spend some time in each of those rooms at one point or another in life, we spend most of our time in the hallways. In between the peaks and the valleys. Living normal days.
So, before I forget all of the glorious details, here is how the went on Friday, September 10, 2010, when I went to pick up my 7th child, and our family was finally complete. (Disclaimer: Unless God has other plans of course, but in my heart and mind, we are complete.)
On Thursday evening I had the honor of driving Dave and my father, Ron, out to East Bay camp for a Great Banquet Retreat Weekend. This, in itself, felt like a mountain top experience as Dave was giving his first ever "talk" and never in my wildest dreams did I think that my father would attend a spiritual retreat. Over a year ago, God was nudging me to invite my dad, and I kept telling Him no. I had a million excuses why my dad would not be interested, and why he was just not the right person. So, God did what He does best. He turned from a gentle nudge to an in my face, "I'm not asking you, Cara. I am telling you!" So, I did it, I asked my dad, he said yes, and now he is there having what sounds like a great weekend. I'll know more tonight when I go to pick them up. :)
But, the reason I mention that is because I drove them to the camp and I left them there for the weekend, which meant I was solo parenting 5 kids Friday-Sunday. Survivable, but not ideal.
Lindsay, my amazing daycare assistant, came in early because I had a meeting scheduled at Prairieland to discuss how Brice was adjusting and how we could help him succeed in kindergarten. I ended up bringing Wren with me to the meeting and to hear Dave's talk just so that she could have some extra "mom time". Dave's talk was to be at 9:15, so Pastor Becca picked us up from the school and we drove out to East Bay from there. As we got close to camp, on this beautiful, clear, sunny, 70ish degree morning, we looked up near a cloud, and there was a tiny baby rainbow just hanging there. God sends rainbows to remind us that he keeps all of his promises. I didn't know it yet, but God was about to make good on a promise that I had been doubting since our first adoption was unsuccessful.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Dave was nervous and excited for his talk, "Discovering Priorities", but he was happy to see us. We prayed for him before his talk, and it was just such a special time. It was one of those moments where I was just so proud to call him my husband. He went off to give his talk, and we were able to remain in the chapel and listen as he spoke. He gave the talk that God wanted him to give. Dave was such a wonderful extension of God as he spoke.
Then, I noticed the missed call on my phone. Dave was on his way back to the chapel, so I decided to wait to call her back.
Dave came in, we prayed him down from his talk, and then he went to change into more comfortable clothes. Becca was gone, too. I think she went to raid the snack table! ;-p
As I stood with just Wren in the chapel, I called my voicemail and heard the message I have been waiting since July to hear. "The waiver is complete, and you can pick up Jasmine anytime to transfer her to your home!"
I yelled, I jumped, Wren looked at my like I was nuts! I ran down the hall to find someone to tell. Becca was just coming back through the door and it was so fun to share my excitement with her. She has prayed us through so much. The day that Brandon, Monay and Kia, were adopted by another person, Becca was the one who sat with us and prayed. She has been praying with and for us ever since then.
Then, I ran into tell Dave. He was just done changing and I said, "We get to keep Jasmine! The waiver is done!!!!" His response, "that's cool." I can't even capitalize it because he was so mellow about it. :) I think he was on overload from the weekend and the adrenalive rush from having just given his talk. But, that was it. He went back up to the retreat, I headed home to prepare my heart and mind for Jasmine's permanent arrival.
The rest of the day for me went by in a blur. Daycare was open, and the plan was to get Jasmine that evening, so I scurried around the house, unable to focus or relax all day.
We headed to Danville, IL, to get Jasmine around 4pm.
Although Halie, in a time of missing her former foster parents, had told me, "When we go back to Grandma Nancy's, I am going to hide somewhere where you can never find me!", we still decided that we would all go back to the house where they have lived the past year of their lives, the place they consider home. When we arrived, Jasmine ran out to give hugs to everyone and many family members and friends were there to greet the kids. They had spent the afternoon blowing up balloons, and preparing for the "sending off" party. What I had feared might end up being a tough time for Halie was nothing but a complete blessing. I will share many more details and pictures of that soon. For now though, it was just a perfect ending to a perfect day. As I carried each of my kids into the house, fast asleep, one at a time, I thanked God over and over for keeping his promise, for loving me, and for blessing me so incredibly.
A dear friend told me that I was "glowing". Just right for a new mom.
Another great friend wrote on my facebook, "The only thing better than reading about this was getting to see your face when you told me in person!!!! I wish I had a picture of that for you:)"
I wish I could bottle that day up to save forever, but here I sit, on a new day, making macaroni and cheese for the kids while wrapped in the prayer shawl I was given at church today. Back to the laundry and cleaning and meal making that I call life. Don't get me wrong...I love it all, and I am blessed beyond anything I ever imagined for my life, I just feel myself heading down from that mountain top bit by bit. It reminds me that life goes on and after spending some time in pure joy and fulfillment, the rest of life always goes back to just plain normal. I take tons of pictures and journal about it all so that on some of those normal days, I can go back and grab a piece of the experience.
In one of my favorite Rob Bell videos, he compares life to a hospital. In one room a new baby brings ultimate joy, in another someone dies and grieving begins. Although we spend some time in each of those rooms at one point or another in life, we spend most of our time in the hallways. In between the peaks and the valleys. Living normal days.
So, before I forget all of the glorious details, here is how the went on Friday, September 10, 2010, when I went to pick up my 7th child, and our family was finally complete. (Disclaimer: Unless God has other plans of course, but in my heart and mind, we are complete.)
On Thursday evening I had the honor of driving Dave and my father, Ron, out to East Bay camp for a Great Banquet Retreat Weekend. This, in itself, felt like a mountain top experience as Dave was giving his first ever "talk" and never in my wildest dreams did I think that my father would attend a spiritual retreat. Over a year ago, God was nudging me to invite my dad, and I kept telling Him no. I had a million excuses why my dad would not be interested, and why he was just not the right person. So, God did what He does best. He turned from a gentle nudge to an in my face, "I'm not asking you, Cara. I am telling you!" So, I did it, I asked my dad, he said yes, and now he is there having what sounds like a great weekend. I'll know more tonight when I go to pick them up. :)
But, the reason I mention that is because I drove them to the camp and I left them there for the weekend, which meant I was solo parenting 5 kids Friday-Sunday. Survivable, but not ideal.
Lindsay, my amazing daycare assistant, came in early because I had a meeting scheduled at Prairieland to discuss how Brice was adjusting and how we could help him succeed in kindergarten. I ended up bringing Wren with me to the meeting and to hear Dave's talk just so that she could have some extra "mom time". Dave's talk was to be at 9:15, so Pastor Becca picked us up from the school and we drove out to East Bay from there. As we got close to camp, on this beautiful, clear, sunny, 70ish degree morning, we looked up near a cloud, and there was a tiny baby rainbow just hanging there. God sends rainbows to remind us that he keeps all of his promises. I didn't know it yet, but God was about to make good on a promise that I had been doubting since our first adoption was unsuccessful.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Dave was nervous and excited for his talk, "Discovering Priorities", but he was happy to see us. We prayed for him before his talk, and it was just such a special time. It was one of those moments where I was just so proud to call him my husband. He went off to give his talk, and we were able to remain in the chapel and listen as he spoke. He gave the talk that God wanted him to give. Dave was such a wonderful extension of God as he spoke.
Then, I noticed the missed call on my phone. Dave was on his way back to the chapel, so I decided to wait to call her back.
Dave came in, we prayed him down from his talk, and then he went to change into more comfortable clothes. Becca was gone, too. I think she went to raid the snack table! ;-p
As I stood with just Wren in the chapel, I called my voicemail and heard the message I have been waiting since July to hear. "The waiver is complete, and you can pick up Jasmine anytime to transfer her to your home!"
I yelled, I jumped, Wren looked at my like I was nuts! I ran down the hall to find someone to tell. Becca was just coming back through the door and it was so fun to share my excitement with her. She has prayed us through so much. The day that Brandon, Monay and Kia, were adopted by another person, Becca was the one who sat with us and prayed. She has been praying with and for us ever since then.
Then, I ran into tell Dave. He was just done changing and I said, "We get to keep Jasmine! The waiver is done!!!!" His response, "that's cool." I can't even capitalize it because he was so mellow about it. :) I think he was on overload from the weekend and the adrenalive rush from having just given his talk. But, that was it. He went back up to the retreat, I headed home to prepare my heart and mind for Jasmine's permanent arrival.
The rest of the day for me went by in a blur. Daycare was open, and the plan was to get Jasmine that evening, so I scurried around the house, unable to focus or relax all day.
We headed to Danville, IL, to get Jasmine around 4pm.
Although Halie, in a time of missing her former foster parents, had told me, "When we go back to Grandma Nancy's, I am going to hide somewhere where you can never find me!", we still decided that we would all go back to the house where they have lived the past year of their lives, the place they consider home. When we arrived, Jasmine ran out to give hugs to everyone and many family members and friends were there to greet the kids. They had spent the afternoon blowing up balloons, and preparing for the "sending off" party. What I had feared might end up being a tough time for Halie was nothing but a complete blessing. I will share many more details and pictures of that soon. For now though, it was just a perfect ending to a perfect day. As I carried each of my kids into the house, fast asleep, one at a time, I thanked God over and over for keeping his promise, for loving me, and for blessing me so incredibly.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
One Last Missing Piece
Halie woke up today, and the first thing she asked was if she could call Grandma and Jasmine. Then she said, "Maybe we should wait a little while so Grandma can drink her coffee." So cute!
We did get to talk to Grandma Nancy for quite a while today, and Halie did not want to get off of the phone. We had lots of tears when the call was done, and then more at bedtime. Part of me would give anything to know what is going on in her head, and then again, part of me knows it would absolutely break my heart!
She was asking a lot when Jasmine could come stay with us. It breaks my heart. We have tried telling her that we are waiting for the paper, waiting for our caseworker to say it is okay, waiting for God's timing...I really wish we had a solid answer. When Halie and Brice moved in with us, August 17th, we were sure that Jasmine would be following shortly. We never intended for them to be separated this long. It is so sad.
I will be making lots of phone calls tomorrow. When it starts to affect the kids, that's when I get upset. It's not just me being impatient, it's truly fighting for these kids. They are dealing with such loss already, and this just compounds it.
I am really struggling with whether this is God's timing or if I need to be a squeaky wheel. I just don't feel like patience is the answer right now.
We have been waiting to do so many things to celebrate our family growing, but we have had to go ahead with some of them for Halie and Brice's sake. This weekend we began redecorating the bedrooms. Since we did some room shuffling, we wanted to make each child feel some ownership over their rooms, so they each got to pick out some wall decorations and a special poster- Halie and Wren chose princesses, Chloe chose a cute kitten, Carter chose Iron Man, and Brice chose Toy Story. We will all be able to help Jasmine pick out her special decorations as soon as she gets here.
Another big event was buying new bikes for Halie and Brice. Although we have lots of bikes for the daycare kids to ride, our other kids do have their own special bikes, and I wanted the same for all the kids.
On Friday we had a big family "snuggle night" on the couch. We watched Camp Rock 2 on the Disney channel and Daddy bought the soundtrack at Wal-Mart, so we are all singing the songs constantly. It's funny because no matter where we are in the house or what we are all doing, someone is humming a line from one of the songs!
Halie and Brice are becoming computer experts. They always want to play games, and now they can get to their favorite websites and start games all by themselves. It's amazing how quickly kids pick up on how to do that! They also know where the volume buttons are, so we often have games blasting through the house. Why is it that the "volume up" button is found more easily than the "volume down" button?
We miss you Miss Jasmine! We are praying for you every night and thinking about you constantly!
We did get to talk to Grandma Nancy for quite a while today, and Halie did not want to get off of the phone. We had lots of tears when the call was done, and then more at bedtime. Part of me would give anything to know what is going on in her head, and then again, part of me knows it would absolutely break my heart!
She was asking a lot when Jasmine could come stay with us. It breaks my heart. We have tried telling her that we are waiting for the paper, waiting for our caseworker to say it is okay, waiting for God's timing...I really wish we had a solid answer. When Halie and Brice moved in with us, August 17th, we were sure that Jasmine would be following shortly. We never intended for them to be separated this long. It is so sad.
I will be making lots of phone calls tomorrow. When it starts to affect the kids, that's when I get upset. It's not just me being impatient, it's truly fighting for these kids. They are dealing with such loss already, and this just compounds it.
I am really struggling with whether this is God's timing or if I need to be a squeaky wheel. I just don't feel like patience is the answer right now.
We have been waiting to do so many things to celebrate our family growing, but we have had to go ahead with some of them for Halie and Brice's sake. This weekend we began redecorating the bedrooms. Since we did some room shuffling, we wanted to make each child feel some ownership over their rooms, so they each got to pick out some wall decorations and a special poster- Halie and Wren chose princesses, Chloe chose a cute kitten, Carter chose Iron Man, and Brice chose Toy Story. We will all be able to help Jasmine pick out her special decorations as soon as she gets here.
On Friday we had a big family "snuggle night" on the couch. We watched Camp Rock 2 on the Disney channel and Daddy bought the soundtrack at Wal-Mart, so we are all singing the songs constantly. It's funny because no matter where we are in the house or what we are all doing, someone is humming a line from one of the songs!
Halie and Brice are becoming computer experts. They always want to play games, and now they can get to their favorite websites and start games all by themselves. It's amazing how quickly kids pick up on how to do that! They also know where the volume buttons are, so we often have games blasting through the house. Why is it that the "volume up" button is found more easily than the "volume down" button?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Our weekend together
What a weekend!
After meeting to pick up Jasmine for the weekend Halie was very sad. As we were driving the hour back home, I looked in the rearview mirror to see tears streaming down Halie's face. I stopped the van and went in the back to hold her. She just said that she was so sad and missed her "other mommy" (Nancy, her previous foster mother). I held her and I prayed with her. We told God that we didn't like feeling this way and that it is so hard when we miss people we love. I tried to give Halie some words to explain her feelings, but she just needed to cry. Although I held her in my arms, my arms were not what could comfort her at that moment. Luckily, after a good lunch and a nap, she woke up happy again.
Saturday was a fun and busy day. I was at a Great Banquet team meeting for the first half of the day, but Dave took the kids to get haircuts, run errands, and play at his school.
The busy morning was follwed by a picnic with all of our Great Banquet friends at Brown's Farm. The kids LOVED the tractor rides. I think they went on 4 or 5 times.
Straight from there we went to the movie night at the kids' school. That is about when we realized that we had packed too much into one day. Although the kids were still doing alright, Dave and I were hitting a wall. We were both exhausted and needed to end the day. Luckily, everyone went to bed easily.
There was a picnic after church today as well. We planned to stay for the potluck lunch, but after the line kept growing and our kids patience was not, we decided to cut it short and head to McDonald's. Of course, the kids were thrilled.
Having Jasmine here for the weekends is great, but it is frustrating for me to feel like such little progress is being made. I feel like we can't completely begin the transistion phase because we're not all together. Halie and Brice are adjusting so well, but then, as soon as Jasmine comes, Halie begins acting out...not listening, throwing toys, etc. I am wondering if she is not upset that Jas gets to stay at "Grandma" Nancy's and she doesn't. We've debated letting her go back to visit or spend a few days at their house, but we want her to understand that she is with us forever, and are afraid that might confuse her more. Any thoughts or advice from my fellow adoptive parents out there?
I did begin telling Halie her "story" today. I talked to her about how Chloe, Carter and Wren grew in my belly, but that she and Brice and Jasmine have been growing in my heart for years. We talked about how she grew in Mommy Brandy's belly and then she got to stay with Grandma and Grandpa until God found just the right family for her. While Grandma was praying for the perfect family for the three of them, we were praying for the perfect three kids for our family. God heard our prayers and brought us together.
Of course, I'm feeling good as I tell her this, and she's listening intently. Then, with lots of thought in her eyes, she says, "I want you to grow in my belly, Cara!" Ummm....deep thoughts from a 4 year old. Oh, well. I planted the seed. I am sure we will have this conversation a million more times in a million different ways as she grows up.
After meeting to pick up Jasmine for the weekend Halie was very sad. As we were driving the hour back home, I looked in the rearview mirror to see tears streaming down Halie's face. I stopped the van and went in the back to hold her. She just said that she was so sad and missed her "other mommy" (Nancy, her previous foster mother). I held her and I prayed with her. We told God that we didn't like feeling this way and that it is so hard when we miss people we love. I tried to give Halie some words to explain her feelings, but she just needed to cry. Although I held her in my arms, my arms were not what could comfort her at that moment. Luckily, after a good lunch and a nap, she woke up happy again.
Saturday was a fun and busy day. I was at a Great Banquet team meeting for the first half of the day, but Dave took the kids to get haircuts, run errands, and play at his school.
The busy morning was follwed by a picnic with all of our Great Banquet friends at Brown's Farm. The kids LOVED the tractor rides. I think they went on 4 or 5 times.
Straight from there we went to the movie night at the kids' school. That is about when we realized that we had packed too much into one day. Although the kids were still doing alright, Dave and I were hitting a wall. We were both exhausted and needed to end the day. Luckily, everyone went to bed easily.
There was a picnic after church today as well. We planned to stay for the potluck lunch, but after the line kept growing and our kids patience was not, we decided to cut it short and head to McDonald's. Of course, the kids were thrilled.
Having Jasmine here for the weekends is great, but it is frustrating for me to feel like such little progress is being made. I feel like we can't completely begin the transistion phase because we're not all together. Halie and Brice are adjusting so well, but then, as soon as Jasmine comes, Halie begins acting out...not listening, throwing toys, etc. I am wondering if she is not upset that Jas gets to stay at "Grandma" Nancy's and she doesn't. We've debated letting her go back to visit or spend a few days at their house, but we want her to understand that she is with us forever, and are afraid that might confuse her more. Any thoughts or advice from my fellow adoptive parents out there?
I did begin telling Halie her "story" today. I talked to her about how Chloe, Carter and Wren grew in my belly, but that she and Brice and Jasmine have been growing in my heart for years. We talked about how she grew in Mommy Brandy's belly and then she got to stay with Grandma and Grandpa until God found just the right family for her. While Grandma was praying for the perfect family for the three of them, we were praying for the perfect three kids for our family. God heard our prayers and brought us together.
Of course, I'm feeling good as I tell her this, and she's listening intently. Then, with lots of thought in her eyes, she says, "I want you to grow in my belly, Cara!" Ummm....deep thoughts from a 4 year old. Oh, well. I planted the seed. I am sure we will have this conversation a million more times in a million different ways as she grows up.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Loving School...I love sending them, they love going! :-)
I am doing my best to get the girls registered for the early childhood program in Unit 5, but guess what?!?! They need paperwork from the previous program before we can move ahead. I am starting to dislike paper all together. I am getting a little bit of sense of why adoptive parents talk about going through a "paper pregnancy". The children don't grow in your belly, but you stress about papers instead and you still have to wait as if it were an actual pregnancy! But, enough of that. Life is wonderful, and I am truly doing my best to trust in God's timing for all of this.
Brice absolutely LOVES kindergarten! He loves his teacher, and he runs so fast when we walk to school in the morning because he just can't wait to get there. I am going to try to get a video of him tomorrow with his little legs and his giant backpack speeding down the sidewalk! It is too cute!
He was so excited after school today to show me a book that he had made...he colored the pre-printed pictures, but the pride he had in would have made one think that he created even the paper it was printed on! He "read" the memorized few pages to me, and he told me about a story that they read in class that went along with the book. I am so excited about all that he will learn over the next year!
Halie is still waiting, as mentioned above, to go to her school. I keep saying that it's not open yet because they don't start until September. She tells everyone, "I will go to school on a bus, but it's still closed." I'm still debating whether I will bus the girls or drive them. She is definately voting to ride the bus though!
Chloe and Carter love school as well. Both of them are doing well with the adjustment of the larger family as well as the beginning of the school year. In church last Sunday, Chloe made a picture of our family (we were all little "lip people") and she included EVERYONE in her family...except herself. It was so sweet.
Wren has had a few really good days...okay, well, I guess I should say...today was a good day! I'll take it!
She really wasn't whiny or fussy at all, and there were no emotional breakdowns as there have been in the past few days. I have to tell you though, it is so painful to hear your baby crying like she is hurt and when you ask her what's wrong she just sobs, "I need you Mommy!" Ugh! Mommy guilt...the gift that keeps on giving.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Cool Thought
I am not wishing away a second of this time in our lives, but I can't help but think... won't it be so cool when the kids can't remember a time when they weren't all together. They will look back at our pictures from Disney this summer and wonder where Brice, Halie and Jasmine are. There will no longer be "new" kids or foster vs. biological kids. They will just all be McMorrises. Wren and Jasmine, at 3 years old, will most likely not remember a life without each other. I absolutely LOVE it!
p.s. Still no waiver on file. Still we wait. Jasmine should be able to come for the weekend, but she is not feeling well. Maybe tomorrow. In God's time, I suppose.
p.s. Still no waiver on file. Still we wait. Jasmine should be able to come for the weekend, but she is not feeling well. Maybe tomorrow. In God's time, I suppose.
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Blessing of Tears
Nancy: A warning from one mom to another: This may be hard to read.
After 3 long hours at the pool today, we all came back tired. I have been letting Halie and Brice stay up from naps this week because they have been having so much fun with the "school kids".
(Sidenote: Halie is so impressed that we get to have "friends come over every day!" Little does she know, this is my job.)
I told these tired kids, 9 total, that they needed to take a break on the couch and watch a movie for a little while. Halie was having a hard time sitting still and not bothering the others, so I made the dreaded threat..."If I hear you one more time, Miss Halie, you will have to go up and take a nap." The words had hardly left my lips when Halie was bugging someone else.
So, knowing that the best thing for kids during a transition is consistency and dependability, I followed through on my threat. Halie and I walked upstairs, and I laid her down in her bed. She was fussing a little and complaining that she didn't want to nap. I said that I was sorry, but that if we don't listen, there are consequences. Then, I walked out of the room.
Her little wimpers gradually grew larger and her cry turned from a "mad that I got in trouble cry" to a "I am really sad and scared cry". It absolutely broke my heart. I went back in the room, and I laid down with Halie. I held her as she sobbed, and then she said, "I want my other mom."
I just hugged her and reassured her. I told that I knew that she missed her other mom, Nancy, and that it would be alright here. The longer I held her, the more she calmed down. I rubbed her back and I was able to tell her how much I love her. I promised her that no matter what she ever says or does, I was going to love her and take care of her. As I repeated those reassurances to her, her eyes slowly closed and she fell asleep. I sat there, continuing to rub her back and thanking God for Halie and this amazing moment with my newest child.
Isn't that just how life goes. We don't want to go through any of the pain, but the comfort and love that comes out of it is such a blessing. I am absolutely in love with these kids.
After 3 long hours at the pool today, we all came back tired. I have been letting Halie and Brice stay up from naps this week because they have been having so much fun with the "school kids".
(Sidenote: Halie is so impressed that we get to have "friends come over every day!" Little does she know, this is my job.)
I told these tired kids, 9 total, that they needed to take a break on the couch and watch a movie for a little while. Halie was having a hard time sitting still and not bothering the others, so I made the dreaded threat..."If I hear you one more time, Miss Halie, you will have to go up and take a nap." The words had hardly left my lips when Halie was bugging someone else.
So, knowing that the best thing for kids during a transition is consistency and dependability, I followed through on my threat. Halie and I walked upstairs, and I laid her down in her bed. She was fussing a little and complaining that she didn't want to nap. I said that I was sorry, but that if we don't listen, there are consequences. Then, I walked out of the room.
Her little wimpers gradually grew larger and her cry turned from a "mad that I got in trouble cry" to a "I am really sad and scared cry". It absolutely broke my heart. I went back in the room, and I laid down with Halie. I held her as she sobbed, and then she said, "I want my other mom."
I just hugged her and reassured her. I told that I knew that she missed her other mom, Nancy, and that it would be alright here. The longer I held her, the more she calmed down. I rubbed her back and I was able to tell her how much I love her. I promised her that no matter what she ever says or does, I was going to love her and take care of her. As I repeated those reassurances to her, her eyes slowly closed and she fell asleep. I sat there, continuing to rub her back and thanking God for Halie and this amazing moment with my newest child.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Finally, a full house!
Although we are still waiting and praying for Jasmine to get here soon, it is so good to have a houseful!
Brice and Halie are adjusting so well. Yesterday each of them said a few times that they wanted to go "home". A phone call to their previous foster mother last night seemed to help. Halie came running to me very excited saying, "Mama said I could stay here forever!". A precious moment.
Both Brice and Halie are so excited about going to school next week. They keep asking if they can go, and I have to tell them it's not open yet. Monday should be an exciting day as Chloe, Brice and Carter head off to school. I am not sure how to tell Halie that her school doesn't start until September.
Chloe is very accepting of the kids now being a part of our family. She has known for a few years that we were praying about adopting. A few weeks ago, when she heard Dave and I talking about this being for sure, she said, "So, does this mean God told you these were the kids?" As if he just called us up and gave us the go ahead.
Carter is Carter. He understands that the kids are now brother and sisters. He has not said anything negative about them being here. He does try to be in charge of them and tell them what to do. I am constantly reminding him that I am the mom and that I can do my job all by myself.
I didn't think Wren was having any issues, she usually just goes with the flow. Yesterday, however, I took Halie and Brice to a meeting and to run some errands. When we returned home, Wren yelled at Halie, "Get out of my stupid home!" Stupid is the "s-word" in our house. It is absolutely not allowed, so she obviously had a lot of anger in that statement. Poor girl. We took some extra snuggle time after that, and I held her as she had a big cry.
Dave and I are loving every moment. Bedtime has gone so smoothly. Halie and Brice got new electric toothbrushes, and they constantly want to brush their teeth. Halie was excited to tell Grandma Nancy, her previous foster mom, about her "noisy kitty toothbrush".
We have told the kids that they can call us whatever they would like, Mom or Cara, Dad or Dave. They go back and forth.
God is just so good. We are so grateful to be lifted up in prayer by so many people during this transition.
Brice and Halie are adjusting so well. Yesterday each of them said a few times that they wanted to go "home". A phone call to their previous foster mother last night seemed to help. Halie came running to me very excited saying, "Mama said I could stay here forever!". A precious moment.
Both Brice and Halie are so excited about going to school next week. They keep asking if they can go, and I have to tell them it's not open yet. Monday should be an exciting day as Chloe, Brice and Carter head off to school. I am not sure how to tell Halie that her school doesn't start until September.
Chloe is very accepting of the kids now being a part of our family. She has known for a few years that we were praying about adopting. A few weeks ago, when she heard Dave and I talking about this being for sure, she said, "So, does this mean God told you these were the kids?" As if he just called us up and gave us the go ahead.
Carter is Carter. He understands that the kids are now brother and sisters. He has not said anything negative about them being here. He does try to be in charge of them and tell them what to do. I am constantly reminding him that I am the mom and that I can do my job all by myself.
I didn't think Wren was having any issues, she usually just goes with the flow. Yesterday, however, I took Halie and Brice to a meeting and to run some errands. When we returned home, Wren yelled at Halie, "Get out of my stupid home!" Stupid is the "s-word" in our house. It is absolutely not allowed, so she obviously had a lot of anger in that statement. Poor girl. We took some extra snuggle time after that, and I held her as she had a big cry.
Dave and I are loving every moment. Bedtime has gone so smoothly. Halie and Brice got new electric toothbrushes, and they constantly want to brush their teeth. Halie was excited to tell Grandma Nancy, her previous foster mom, about her "noisy kitty toothbrush".
We have told the kids that they can call us whatever they would like, Mom or Cara, Dad or Dave. They go back and forth.
God is just so good. We are so grateful to be lifted up in prayer by so many people during this transition.
The Day is here!!!
August 16, 2010
I am so incredilbly excited to share with everyone that the McMorris Family will be growing beginning tomorrow!!!
This means that as the school year kicks off we will be making it a priority to focus inward on our family and helping each and everyone of us transition into this new life successfully. Keep up the prayers! I swear that my life has been so blessed due to the countless people who are lifting me up in prayer daily. Let me tell you, when I am exhausted and impatient, I just think about all of the love and support that I have, and I get that second wind. You all are an amazing support system near and far!
Although we are still waiting on one piece of paperwork to be completed (we've been waiting for over a month as it has gotten misplaced by DCFS a few times), Brice (5) and Halie (4) will be moving in for good tomorrow morning. The paper that we are waiting on will allow us to also have Jasmine (3). Now that the paper has been located, it should be done before the week is over...fingers crossed.
(The reason that we need this waiver is due to the ages of the kids. We will have 5 children under the age of 6 in our home, and the typical number that DCFS allows is 4 children under the age of 6.)
For those of you to whom this is complete news, I will give a little background. In June we were asked to watch three children while their foster parents, from a different county, were on vacation. We agreed to watch them for a week, and in doing so, we found out that they would be available for adoption in August and that they would most likely be split up since they didn't know of a family in their area willing to take 3 young children. Well, in meeting them and hearing all of this, Dave and I prayed, talked with trusted friends and prayed some more. We made a pledge after our previous adoption attempt to live a "Year of No Crazy", and that year was not up until September. Still, we felt that God was giving us the green light, so we proceeded. Since the week-long visit in July we have been waiting on lots of DCFS red tape and paperwork, but have been able to talk to the kids on the phone several times per week. (Have any of you tried to have a conversation with a 3 year old on the phone? Not an easy task!!!) Last weekend we were able to have the kids visit for 2 days, and in that time I was able to introduce them to my family at the Swanson Family Picnic. We also were so blessed to attend my childhood church, Wildwood Presbyterian Church, where Halie and Jasmine ran around the coffee hour hugging everyone in sight. Too cute!
Although the kids came into DCFS care after some neglect in their early years, I am so happy to say, that they are the most sweet and loving kids. They have had a wonderful foster family for the past year who have nurtured them and provided all of the educational and developmental services that they needed. Only minor delays remain for some of the kids, and their progress indicates that they will all catch up and thrive in a stable, stimulating and loving environment. Yay!!!
August 31st the biological parents will have their rights' terminated. They can either sign them over willingly, or the courts will terminate their rights for them. At that time, we will begin the adoption process. The children need to be in our home for 6 months before they can legally be adopted by us.
So many people have commended Dave and I for "taking in" foster kids, and I wish I felt that selfless. The truth is, we were not done being parents. We knew we wanted to grow our family some more, and from very early on in my life, the thought of kids going to bed without a Mom and Dad to hug and kiss them just weighed on my heart. Did you know that there are 147 million orphans worldwide? Well, now there are 147 million minus 3. We are so blessed to be a part of this miracle.
With a grateful heart,
Cara
I am so incredilbly excited to share with everyone that the McMorris Family will be growing beginning tomorrow!!!
This means that as the school year kicks off we will be making it a priority to focus inward on our family and helping each and everyone of us transition into this new life successfully. Keep up the prayers! I swear that my life has been so blessed due to the countless people who are lifting me up in prayer daily. Let me tell you, when I am exhausted and impatient, I just think about all of the love and support that I have, and I get that second wind. You all are an amazing support system near and far!
Although we are still waiting on one piece of paperwork to be completed (we've been waiting for over a month as it has gotten misplaced by DCFS a few times), Brice (5) and Halie (4) will be moving in for good tomorrow morning. The paper that we are waiting on will allow us to also have Jasmine (3). Now that the paper has been located, it should be done before the week is over...fingers crossed.
(The reason that we need this waiver is due to the ages of the kids. We will have 5 children under the age of 6 in our home, and the typical number that DCFS allows is 4 children under the age of 6.)
For those of you to whom this is complete news, I will give a little background. In June we were asked to watch three children while their foster parents, from a different county, were on vacation. We agreed to watch them for a week, and in doing so, we found out that they would be available for adoption in August and that they would most likely be split up since they didn't know of a family in their area willing to take 3 young children. Well, in meeting them and hearing all of this, Dave and I prayed, talked with trusted friends and prayed some more. We made a pledge after our previous adoption attempt to live a "Year of No Crazy", and that year was not up until September. Still, we felt that God was giving us the green light, so we proceeded. Since the week-long visit in July we have been waiting on lots of DCFS red tape and paperwork, but have been able to talk to the kids on the phone several times per week. (Have any of you tried to have a conversation with a 3 year old on the phone? Not an easy task!!!) Last weekend we were able to have the kids visit for 2 days, and in that time I was able to introduce them to my family at the Swanson Family Picnic. We also were so blessed to attend my childhood church, Wildwood Presbyterian Church, where Halie and Jasmine ran around the coffee hour hugging everyone in sight. Too cute!
Although the kids came into DCFS care after some neglect in their early years, I am so happy to say, that they are the most sweet and loving kids. They have had a wonderful foster family for the past year who have nurtured them and provided all of the educational and developmental services that they needed. Only minor delays remain for some of the kids, and their progress indicates that they will all catch up and thrive in a stable, stimulating and loving environment. Yay!!!
August 31st the biological parents will have their rights' terminated. They can either sign them over willingly, or the courts will terminate their rights for them. At that time, we will begin the adoption process. The children need to be in our home for 6 months before they can legally be adopted by us.
So many people have commended Dave and I for "taking in" foster kids, and I wish I felt that selfless. The truth is, we were not done being parents. We knew we wanted to grow our family some more, and from very early on in my life, the thought of kids going to bed without a Mom and Dad to hug and kiss them just weighed on my heart. Did you know that there are 147 million orphans worldwide? Well, now there are 147 million minus 3. We are so blessed to be a part of this miracle.
With a grateful heart,
Cara
Friday, July 9, 2010
Following HIS lead
As we are praying for our family and our future, we are seeking God's will rather than our own. We know that His plan is the right one, and we want to follow...it's just so hard!
God is bigger than our problems. He is bigger than our fears, and his plan is so much bigger and better than we can ever imagine.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
He doesn't ask us to consider his opinion. He doesn't ask us to trust him a little. He commands us to trust him with ALL of our heart. He commands us to acknowledge him in ALL our ways...in all we do, each and every day.
With our immediate family, with our finances, with our extended family...it's not up to us. God has it all under control.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)