Oh, One More Thing Worth Mentioning :-)

Our neighbor, who is about 8 months pregnant came over today. Jasmine and Halie were fascinated by her belly. We talked about how there was a little baby girl growing in there and Halie just kept asking, "Why?" Well, that's just how babies grow...That's the way God made it...Their family is going to have a new baby soon...I wasn't sure what answer she was looking for.
Then, my neighbor left and Halie looked at me, rubbed my belly, and said, "Mommy, I want you to grow a baby in your belly, too!"
Hahaha! I don't think so. Seven kids, all walking and potty trained is more my speed. Thank you very much.

Any Thoughts?

The kids had their "final" visit with their biological parents last Monday. They really are such sweet people. Both Mom and Dad (and the supervisor from DCFS) got to take the kids to the zoo in town, play at a park and have a snack at McDonald's. Mom and Dad took lots of pictures and just had fun playing with the kiddos. The kids were excited to see them, but nervous at the same time. I don't think they completely understand who these people are. They have had visits with them on and off for the past year, but still, it's confusing to them.
I had the opportunity to take a family picture of all 5 of them together. Mom was grateful and said that they never had a picture taken with all of them together. I can't wait to send them to her. She also gave me a photo album of all the pictures that she has of the kids as babies. What an amazing gift that is. So many adopted kids don't have photos of their lives before adoption, and really struggle with that later in life. I am beyond excited to have photos of Jasmine when she was born, Brice as an infant and when he had surgery on his skull at 11 months old, and Halie as an adorable, chubby faced baby.
This week we will meet with the adoption caseworker to see what the next step in the process is. I am excited to meet her and to move forward. Even if it's just filling our papers, at least it's something for me to do while we wait the 6 months until it's final.
I also am trying to schedule a time to meet with a few people who are experienced in all things adoption to get advice on a few issues. I have read several adoption books, but just as it is with parenting, each child and each situation is different from the next, so I feel like a brand new parent all over again. Each decision feels so critical, and I feel like I have too much control and not enough information to make the right choices.
A few of the things we are muddling through are...

• How much contact do we want the kids to have with their biological parents and family now and throughout life? This is completely up to Dave and I to decide. The parents don't have rights to the children at all, but still, what is the Christian response? What is best for the children? and Why do I feel called to minister to the parents as well? Shouldn't we love them unconditionally and be examples of Christ's love as long as it is not detrimental to the kids at all?
• Should we begin counseling for the kids right away? Although we don't see any direct need for counseling right now, and the kids seem too young to receive any benefit from it, we also don't want to wait until we see problems. What is the right way to be proactive? Is introducing another stranger to the kids right now and expecting them to open up to him or her a good idea? Should we wait 6 month or so and let family life and school life become routine before starting anything new with them?
• There are so many new people in the kids' lives that I know it is confusing. A new house, new church, new schools, etc. In each new environment there are new groups of people to meet. We also have several different people who watch our kids on occasion. I just don't know how to live life without the kids meeting so many people! Although Halie has not been able to put anyting into words, she has acted out for all of our baby-sitters and in the nursery and Sunday school class at church. We have decided that we will only have Lindsay, my daycare assistant, watch the kids until we become more settled, since she is the most familiar with them, but what about church? Do I pull Halie from Sunday school? Do we not introduce the kids to our close friends and family? Or, do we just get through this "meeting new people phase" knowing that the kids will learn to differentiate our friends from our acquaintances?

These are not small issues. Although I am confident that God will lead me, and I am seeking His will in this entire adoption journey, I still find myself feeling inadequate. Just like in parenting from infancy, I wish there was a guide book that applied to each child specifically. You know what? I just finished reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, and I loved it. Dave Ramsey is a financial planner/expert who is just so confident in his method of paying off debt, living completely debt free and accumulating millions of dollars in wealth. He gives simple "baby steps" to follow and advises to just stick with the steps, in order. Don't veer from the path that he has laid out because it is the path to success. He all but guarantees the life of a milliionaire if you just follow these simple steps. That is what I want, a book that has easy to follow, easy to implement "Baby Steps to Successful Parenting." I want someone to say, here it is, the steps to take and when to take them.
Parenting is definately a journey like no other.

In case you didn't see it on Facebook...

We celebrated becoming a family of 9 at Chuck E. Cheese tonight!

Bittersweet

Last Wednesday, I traveled over to Champaign for our termination hearing. This is the time in court when parents are told that they are out of chances and that their parental rights will be no more. At that time, the parents can surrender their rights (sign a paper allowing their children to be adopted) or they can request that it goes to trial.
I was fairly confident that the biological dad was planning on surrendering his rights, but my last conversation with biological mom (a week ago at the kids' visit), had me thinking that she was wanting to take it to trial. She told me actually that she wanted to go to trial. Not in a mean way at all, just very matter-of-fact, "I'm not going to surrender, I'm going to have a trial." This conversation occured the very first time that I met mom, and what I had been anticipating as a wondefully powerful moment of meeting this woman who gave birth to these amazing children actually turned into a gut-wrenching experience. How do you respond to a woman who is very kind and gentle, but simply does not understand that she has run out of chances to parent her children.
Well, I responded in the only way I knew how. I smiled and nodded and left as quickly as I could. The kids had a nice visit with her, and I just waited for them to be dropped back off at home. Now, I  knew that she didn't have a chance at getting them back. I knew that she was losing her rights one way or the other, but just thinking about dragging this out through a trial was a devastating thought.

Fast forward to last Wednesday. As I sat outside the courtroom waiting for the hearing to begin, I saw a man that I recognized from pictures as "dad" approaching. I immediately jumped up and introduced myself. Mom was not far behind him. We all shook hands and chatted and mom asked how the kids were doing. I was so happy for the kids when she asked. I was so glad that when they ask about their mom I can say, with confidence and a specific example, that mom loved them and cared so much about their lives. I made sure to tell her some fun details about each of them, and she and dad were so glad to hear all that I had to share.
I asked them each about work and school, and they were so excited to share with me all that they are working on and their goals for the future. They are the sweetest people, really. It's weird to say that, but they are just so innocent and immature. They love their kids so much, they just don't know how to be parents.
I feel for them. I wonder how their lives may have had different outcomes if someone had loved them unconditionally and had given them the opportunities to learn and grow that they deserved.
Then, their lawyers arrived and casually said, "So, we have the surrender documents. Do either of you have any questions?" My heart broke for them, but they were just so casual about it. Then mom told me that it was a really hard day for her. "I can not even imagine," is all I could say. Then, we headed into court.

It was true. Both mom and dad made a difficult, but awesome decision to allow the kids to be adopted.


Talk about a bittersweet moment. As I sat in the courtroom and listened to the questions..."Do you understand that by signing these papers you will no longer have any rights regarding these children? Even if you change your mind 5 minutes from now, this can never be undone. Do you understand?"... my heart broke for them while at the same time it pounded in excitement for our family and this new beginning.

So, the kids are officially adoptable. The process is underway, and the adoption court date is set for March 25th.
God is so good to us!