Even if

I have moments of worrying if going to Africa, if spending our money in this way, is right or wrong. If it is the best that God has for us. Like John the Baptist, I wonder if we might go boldly and then not have the experience that we were hoping for. I worry about going back to Jesus and saying, "Are you really who I thought you were? Was I really listening correctly?"

I feel like I am still looking for the one "big thing" that God has for us, and somewhere in me feels like we aren't doing what God calls us to if it isn't that big thing. Why is it that I can not see that all of the little things make up the "big thing"? Why can I not see that the "big thing" is not  a certain area of service or a particular activity? The "big thing" is living a life of love and obedience, and that really is a BIG thing.

I am afraid of regret. I am afraid of not following God correctly. I pray and pray in my doubt, but hear nothing, so I proceed the best I know how. When I don't feel direction in the big choices, I just follow in little choices. Those little choices lead us to inviting people to live at our house for a time, to stopping to help stranded motorists, to a variety of other choices that others label us "crazy" for. (Crazy is the nicest label we get...there are many others that we have to ignore in order to be boldly obedient.)

Then, I am reminded that this is not an all or nothing opportunity. This is NOT either the "big thing" or a waste. This is an amazing opportunity for our children, for us, and for God to work in and through us. 

If the children's home is never built at Return...

If our trip is a disaster...

If we never decide to go back again...

If we do nothing to make a difference in a single life in Africa...

...we will have given our children a once in a lifetime experience.

...we will have made the world feel smaller and more accessible.

...we will have spent the past few years drawing closer to our God.

...we will have pulled ourselves so far out of our comfort zone.

...we will have literally and figuratively given all that we have to God.

that we will have no choice but to begin life again, as changed people, as new creations with new experiences...

And that is not a bad way to be.

When are we moving to Africa?

We weren't even in Africa a week before Dave declared on facebook, "The Mcs are moving to Africa!" In the 4 months since we have been back, the first question everyone seems to ask is, "When are you moving to Africa?"
Honestly, the answer is, "As soon as God tells us to."

The instant we met those kids in Kampala, I was just as in love as Dave was, but it was so overwhelming, that I knew I wouldn't be able to hear God's whispers above my own breaking heart.

There also were a few minor details like the house we own in America, the jobs that we need in order to pay our bills and then there are those 7 pesky kids that God had already called us to parent. ;-)
I knew, without a doubt, that this was not something to jump into, and not a decision that I could make based on emotion. If I have learned one thing in the past few years, it is that God has a better plan for me than anything I could ever imagine for myself. I needed to wait on His plan.
God bless Dave for his enthusiasm though!
God is working on my heart in so many ways. I am confident that He is leading me and preparing me to be a part of His work in Africa. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet, but I am okay with that.
Right now, what we are considering and praying about is going to Africa next summer for an extended period of time...possibly 3 months. Dave, being a teacher, has the summers off, so we would be able to maintain his income  and not make any drastic changes before we get our feet a little more wet in the Ugandan culture and lifestyle.
We also don't know if we would stay at Return Ministries that entire time, or if an extended stay would give us the opportunity to visit a variety of ministries.
We are talking with others who have gone to Uganda from the US, and we are collecting insight and wisdom.
I am confident that we are not called to international adoption. I LOVE adoption and I it is wonderful in so many ways, but God is not calling us to that. I have heard the "starfish" story, and I even believe in it with all of my heart, but when I pray about adopting a child from Uganda, the answer I feel in my heart is that I am not to take one child out of Africa, but to bring my family to love on them all.

You know what I envision? When I picture us in Uganda, I always see us, our whole family, just being a family with all of the children who need us. I would love to be the Mom to an entire village. It takes a village to raise a child, and I want to be a part of a literal village that raises children.
Again, I don't know what that looks like logistically, but that is the vision that God has placed on my heart. I watch my children, so prepared to love others, so prepared to care for little ones, and I know that God has been doing a great work in their hearts.

So, this is just an update. This is what I am praying about. This is what is on my heart. I am at peace. I trust that the plan will be revealed to me one step at a time, and I am ready to live in obedience.

Thank you to all who are praying and donating with us. Our family is truly being carried through each day by your love.

It's a Spiritual Battle, not a Financial Battle

I am a goal setter. I always have been. I challenge myself, and I like to challenge others. I get such a thrill out of setting a goal and then reaching it as quickly and as efficiently as I can.
It is no surprise that I flew into fundraising for Return Children's Home in Kampala, Uganda with that same determination.
Last week, as I spoke to a fellow supporter of this ministry who lives in the US, my eyes were opened to the fact that my perspective has to change. She reminded me of Pastor Samuel's perspective. While in Uganda, every word that came from Pastor Samuel's mouth was so full of hope and love and Jesus. There is no doubt in his mind that all that is taking place in Africa, and with their ministry in particular, is a spiritual battle, not a financial battle.
On several occasions, investors have offered to fully fund the land, community center, church and children's home that the Samuels' Family feels called to build. The only problem was that every time, there were strings attached.

They would be happy to give all of the money needed, as long as they would teach
no religion...
a certain facet of the gospel, but not the whole gospel...
a different religion...
or
if they could have complete control over the project.

What the Samuels' Family has dedicated their lives to is not just a building. It has long been their passion to care for the physical needs as well as the spiritual needs of those in their village. Currently, Pastor Samuel and his wife Sarah rent a small house for them and their 2 children, ages 4 and 6. The pastor's elderly parents rent a small house as well as the empty land next to the house. Within that house 17 children live and grow and learn to be a family. The house is tiny. Most of us probably have garages bigger than this house.

In the empty dirt field next door, so much takes place throughout the week. The children from the village come to eat a few times per week, they can play on the 2 makeshift slides, they can attend church and Sunday school classes, and the teens enjoy weekly "Coffee Time", which similar to a youth group.
The vision, the greatest asset that we can give to this ministry is land. Once they have a place to call their own, they can create a self-sustaining lifestyle. This entire village can be changed if they simply had a place to be...a place to grow...a place to create their future.

"When god pushes you to the edge, trust him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or he will teach you how to fly."

Learning

I mentioned in a previous post that children are lacking a purpose in Africa. That survival is the only thing on the agenda each day. It broke my heart the day I asked about this sign.

This poster is a guide for the exam that children must take to advance in school. This was hanging in the P1 and P2 classroom...the earliest grade in school. Not only do these children not have someone whispering in their ears how special and cherished they are, but they are taught, in school, that their only value is based on what they can do for their families. Another question on that test is something like, "Why do parents have children?" I can give you a list of American answers to that question, and topping the list would be to share the love that they have together with a family. 

You know what the "correct" answer is? 

To fetch water.

This is the uphill battle that many ministries are facing. We hold them and love them and tell them that they are loved by a God who is so big and so mighty, who created them with a purpose on this earth at this time, and then they have to write on a test that parents have children only to fetch the water. 

He Did Both

I had to take a little break from writing about our trip. I thank you all for your patience and for actually reading what I have to share. I am so shocked that you all are actually reading and enjoying this! As much as the trip to Africa was a journey, so is the remembering and processing.
A year ago, I was really wanting a heart-change in my life. I was feeling comfortable, confident, and on top of the world. All of that was good, and life was wonderful, but I was also feeling God calling me to something else. He seems to always do that in my life. He blesses me beyond what I ever imagined, and then I am reminded that I am blessed in order to be a blessing to others. This is not to say that I don't get to enjoy life. We do have SOOOO much fun as a family, and we are really good at napping, too. We are also good at sitting smack dab in the middle of God's blessings and soaking it all up. It is in the DNA of our family to serve though.
It is life-giving for us to find joy and peace and comfort in ways that are not typical of most Americans, or most people. Isn't that what we are called to as Christians though, to live IN this world, but not to become OF this world? It is too easy to get sucked in. Sometimes we need to do things that help us to redefine our source of joy and peace and comfort.
As God laid Africa on my heart, I prayed that seeing that place and its people would bring the heart-change that I was looking for. As the trip neared, I was then worried that I was expecting too much of the 2 weeks we would be there. Then I began praying that if God didn't change my life through this trip, that He might begin a great work in Chloe's life and influence her heart. Friends, in true God-fashion, He didn't do one or the other. He did both.
God sent me back home with a mission and a plan to be a part of His work in Uganda. I had to pinch myself the whole trip, and even now when I think about the children that we held, it all seems surreal. How on earth can we live in such affluence, in so much excess, when people are literally starving just a plane ride away. I honestly feel like I was stuck inside of a documentary. There is no way that what I saw and heard and experienced was real. Those children. Those families. The hundreds of children who we met and hugged and loved on, who were abandoned in fields, in garbage heaps, on the side of the road. Unbelievable. Devastating. Those precious babies. That trip did exactly what I prayed it would. It broke my heart in a way that I can never be the same.
And yet, it's hard to talk about because the words that come out of my mouth are nothing new. We know people are starving. We have seen the commercials and heard the pleas. We know that children are orphaned and that simple medicines could save millions of lives. We know all of the stats, but we feel a world away. We feel like there isn't a true difference we can make. The problems are just.so.BIG.
When people ask about the trip, I say that it was amazing, and it was. It was an incredible time of learning and growing in my faith. It was a blessed time with an amazing group of Christians who each traveled with us with the intention of seeing what God had in store for their next steps in life.
Richard Stearn is the president of Compassion International, and he wrote a book called, "The Hole in Our Gospel". It is a wonderful book and Bible Study, but the image that has stuck with me most is when he wrote about what our reactions are when we hear about a starving child in Africa vs. what our reactions would be if we opened our front door one morning and discovered a starving child on our front porch. Obviously, if a child in need showed up at our front door, we would feed them and clothe them and stop everything to get them the care that they need. When we are faced with a critical need, we find ways to meet the need. That is the message I am struggling to find words for...that these children do exist. These children asked us if we would pray for them. These children want nothing more than food and love. One day, a little girl had a head ache, and she asked me if she could use my lap just to rest her head until she felt better. As I rubbed her back and she rested there, my mothering instincts were going crazy. If this were my child, she would get tylenol for the pain, a big glass of water for hydration, and a nice snuggly blanket on the couch for rest. This little girl just wanted my lap and someone to hold her as she laid on the ground. Bless her heart.
And then....and then....as if that wasn't enough, Chloe gave me this note at the end of our trip...

One night Chloe came to me and said that she felt that God was calling her to do something. She cried as she told me about this feeling in her heart to share a message with the children of the ministry we were at in Kenya. I calmly talked to her as if this was the most normal conversation to be having with  my 10 year old daughter, but let me assure you all, I was freaking out. My little girl. My 10 year old was feeling God calling her to act, and she was ready. God. Is. Awesome. Maybe this is normal in some families, but as Dave and I have grown in our faith, we have just prayed that what we have learned and how we choose to live would rub off a little on our kids. We never had the guts to imagine what conversations we might have if God actually took the hearts of our children and began to use them for HIS purposes.
The morning after our conversation, Chloe stood up in front of 208 children and she led worship. She gave a sermon, the sermon that she felt God had given her to share, about how people don't need things to have power, they only need to know Jesus. She had a beautiful object lesson about how strong God is and she read Psalm 93 verse 4 about how God is stronger than the sea. She blew us all away.
And now, 2 months later, Chloe tells me that she has more to share. She asks me how she can make a blog for other people to read about the children in Africa and what struggles they have.
There is a message to be shared, and silly me, I thought I might be the messenger. I am so excited to watch what God is doing in her heart...and to share it with all of you. We just got her blog layout done tonight, but she is anxious to begin writing!

Monday, June 3rd

This day was so, incredibly, emotionally draining. This day, we were not just serving "Africa" any more. This day, Africa had sweet little faces and names. This day, we were loving on Precious and Salima and Paul and Flowrence and Irene. This day, it all became personal.

I taught a VBS lesson about being co-heirs with Christ from Romans 8. I told them about how Christ came to take on the consequences of our bad choices. I told them that God loved them enough to send His son. I prayed that my words would fall on open hearts as I also told them that God not only sent His son to take away their sin, but to clothe them in His righteousness. Jesus is the King of Kings and He called each of us his brothers and sisters...you know what that makes us? Kings and Queens, co-heirs to the kingdom of heaven.

Looking into those deep brown eyes, just above the ripped-up, hand-me-down clothes on those distended, hungry bellies, saying, "You are a KING! You are a QUEEN!" "God loves you so much that in His eyes you are not only beautiful and serving a purpose here on earth, but the best is yet to come! When God sees you, He sees righteousness. He sees royalty." They were the most beautiful words that I could have ever spoken to these little ones. We made crowns with them and as I put each crown on the child's head, I would hold their face in my hands, look them in the eyes and say their names with tears in my eyes.

"You are beautiful Queen Esther!"

Children in Africa are raised thinking that their purpose in life is to work. The role of young boys is to fetch water, the role of young girls is to care for the babies and wash the utensils. Their entire existence is based on what they can do to help their family and themselves survive until the following day. Can you imagine if our children had no vision beyond the current day? Can you imagine a life where you and I didn't think beyond our needs for a single day? There is no hope in that. There is no life. There is no progress because there is no purpose. 

Purpose became a key word for us on this trip. Pastor Samuel and his wife, Sarah, (who grew up a child sponsored by Compassion International), are native Ugandans who have been called to raise up a generation of young people, especially men, who are living on purpose and with a purpose. Pastor Samuel talks of the need for us to all recognize the value of authority because within that, we find our purpose. We all must submit to God as our great authority, parents need to rise up and be the authority over their children, and fathers need to remain in their families to guide and direct their paths.
Now, I was raised by a strong, hand-working mom. She was single for many of her mothering years. It may possibly also be true that I like to rule the roost over here in the Mc House. I have always hated any talk of submission and/or male authority...it felt passive to me, weak.
As I heard Pastor Samuel speak though, I didn't cringe at all. He spoke of the hopelessness of so many in Africa. Women get pregnant, men leave, women are burdened. Mothers have no time, energy, motivation to love their children. They spend their days trying their best to survive, resenting the fact that they are burdened, and the men are gone. There was no order to life, no one taking the lead, no one holding anyone else accountable, no trustworthy authority. Even those who love Jesus A LOT, still follow some of the practices of witchcraft. They just can not trust fully that Jesus is who he says he is. They have never known loving and nurturing, so how could they truly understand a God who lavishes his children in love. Just like Thomas, and just like us...sometimes we just insist that we must see before we can believe.

Am I willing to step out in faith knowing full well that I could help to change a life simply by being an example of love? That was my prayer when we became foster parents, and it is my prayer now...God, may my actions today help a child go to bed more peacefully tonight knowing that they are loved more than they could ever imagine. Amen.

Smiles

It is easier for me to write about the day-to-day happenings of our trip, but just this morning, I began to process our trip on a little more personal level. I was happy in Africa…really, really happy. When I look at the pictures of myself holding sweet babies, laughing with kids, and teaching in classrooms there, I see a happiness in myself that is somewhat foreign to me. It’s like when you hear your own voice on a recording. You know that it is you, but it always sounds so different. My smile, it’s just so different.

What makes my happiness in Africa so surprising to me, is that for the past 8 years, but especially the past 6 months, I have struggled in a major way with depression. I am on medication, but even with that, I have slumps. I look at my life, I look at my marriage, my kids, my Jesus, and I know that I should be happy. I know that I am blessed. I just have a really hard time feeling it.  

I went to a counselor last November after I was journaling and sobbing as I wrote about how hopeless I felt and how everything around me just felt so overwhelmingly hard. I was struggling with whether or not I deserve the life that I have because I sure was not enjoying it like I should have been.

I wrote:

“I don’t want to spend my whole life working so hard to find happiness only to realize I was living in it all along unable to recognize or accept it. I don’t want to keep changing what we have, what we do, or how we do it hoping beyond hope that I will finally make the right alteration to our lives that will allow me to enjoy life. I know the dangers of thinking “I will be happy when _____” and yet that is how I am living.”

It makes me sad just to think about those slumps and all of the emotions I feel during those seasons. I do believe that there is something biological/chemical/physical in my body that causes the depression. I do believe that I need medication to keep that negative, critical voice out of my head, but so much of the fuel for that voice is a state of mind where I compare my life to others.

In Africa, I didn’t have to try to be happy. I just was. When I held those kids who wanted nothing more than my loving arms, the whole world felt right. There wasn’t a list of things that needed to get done or a big agenda for the day. Our job was simply to visit orphans and love on them in a big way. What a blessing that was, and continues to be. What a lesson for me about how to live.

The focus of life in Africa, for most, is simply living day to day, which causes people to truly live in the moment. There is purpose in each and every thing that they do. Nothing is wasted…not resources, not time, not energy.

In America, we read books about living in the moment. We write bucket lists so that we can feel like we really lived while we were here. We coin phrases like, “YOLO”, as if it some brand new idea. In Africa, I feel like I was really living; living for the moment, living for the smiles, living for the fun, living on purpose.

Our kids think that they need more because we’ve conditioned them that way, but what if we let them experience a life where everything that they did had purpose? What if we could live in America with purpose? It is hard, and I don’t have the answer to that. There are many distractions in our life. I do have the insight though. I do have the goal. God took me to Africa to help me learn about living. 

The Adventure Begins

You all have been waiting so patiently, so I will skip the details of the 20+ hour flying time, jet lag, 8 hour time change and airport layovers that it took to get to Africa. It could have been worse, and it was for some members of our team. (Shout out to Tina and Ashlee! J) Chloe had never felt tired like she did by the time we got to Paris. There were some tears and a great nap in a random chair at the airport.

We flew from Paris into Nairobi, Kenya, and then we took an hour plane ride to Entebbe, Uganda. It was dark when we arrived at about 2am their time. Thirteen suitcases from our team (2 of them McMorris’) did not make it all the way to Uganda, so we spent at least another hour filling out paperwork in hopes that we would one day see our luggage again.

Oh, and the scary military police with giant guns…holy moly. They held these machine guns like they were ready to shoot at any moment. I kept Chloe close and didn’t let Dave do anything too dumb. We did have a little fun while we were waiting though...

We drove through Kampala and saw our first glimpses of the red dirt roads, dogs everywhere roaming the streets, and so many boda-bodas (motorcycles). It seriously felt like we were in a movie. The scenery, the buildings, the shacks…they were all just like you see in documentaries. We were seeing it in real life, but it was so surreal that we kept saying to each other in disbelief, “We are really in Africa.” Dave and I kept reminding each other of the days when a trip to Africa was just a crazy idea we had, yet here we were.

Our first ministry was one that truly captured my heart from the moment we met the pastor. We were staying in a beautiful guest home that was newly built. Each “home” had two bathrooms, 4 bedrooms, and a kitchen, though they cooked all of our meals for us. There was even wi-fi…that was a happy surprise! This was by far the best accommodations we had for the trip. We were a little spoiled to have gone here first.  

Just outside the gate of our guest home lived some roosters and chickens. We arrived around 3:30am, and the roosters were already crowing. We did manage to get a few hours of sleep before it was time to wake up, meet some kids, and worship with this community.

Sunday

Words cannot explain what we experienced as we walked onto the property that Return Ministries rents for the 300+ kids to have somewhere to worship, play, and receive meals.

Our group of 22 “Muzungu”(white people) walked down this rutted out, garbage lined, red dirt road and came to a clearing in the trees. Before we could catch our breath, 300 children came running for us. At least 10 children grabbed each of us and pulled us to sit with them. They wanted to see our skin, our sunglasses, our hair. They wanted hugs, they wanted us to notice them and think that they were special. Some of the children wanted us to take their infant siblings from them so that they could simply be a child for a little while. It was awesome and unbelievable and heart-breaking all at once. There were only a handful of adults there for church, but so many children.

We were all swept away from each other as these kids so desperately pulled for our attention. I had no idea that this would occur, so I hadn’t had time to prepare myself, let alone Chloe. So, as I tried to love these kids, I was also frantically searching for Chloe in the mass of bodies. I was terrified that she was overwhelmed or being pulled on by children. I felt so uneasy not being able to see her.

Quickly we all found our way to some seats, and what I saw was the most precious thing that I have ever seen in my life. The only picture I have of it is in my memory because I was frozen in awe. Once I realized that I would later want pictures, I captured these...

This is Paul, who Chloe wants to adopt as her own.

I looked over to where I had last seen Chloe, and my 10 year old girl was holding a sweet pudgy baby boy on her hip and bending down to talk with a gaggle of other little kids. She wasn’t overwhelmed or afraid for a second. She was all smiles, as if this is exactly what she had expected. I could have just turned into a ball of mush in that moment and cried. I was so proud of her. That was the first moment on this trip where I could see that God had big plans for her on this trip. She just grew up in the blink of an eye.

Chloe sat with those kids and held on to that baby all through the church service. When we stood up to sing, she bent down and sang to the kids and tried to get them to dance with her. It was like she was made for this. It was so natural for her.

I was with some sweet, sweet girls named Precious and Pretty. They are sisters. They had glitter all over themselves (no idea where that came from), and as we sat on the wooden bench for worship in this clearing, they picked single pieces of glitter off of themselves and placed it on me. They were so proud to share this prized possession. They wanted me to be like them. A ribbon fell off of Pretty’s dress, and she quickly tied it onto my pinkie. So generous. We were their guests. They would have given us anything.

Can you see the glitter? Such a gift. They were sad when I had washed it the next day. :-(

Little Pretty

After worship we watched the older kids move the wooden benches to create 3 large circles, one for the babies, one for the young kids, and one for the older kids. The children crammed on these benches as they prepared to be served their meal for the day. Little babies balanced precariously, but never seemed to fall. Little bitty kids held onto even little bitty-er kids. They all knew the drill. They tried to not fall off the benches as they waited for their plate or bowl (or, if they ran out of dishes, their Frisbee, brought by previous guests) of rice and beans was delivered to them by one of the teenagers.

I think we all headed back to our guest home for our lunch with our jaws on the ground. We had just experienced our very first of many unbelievable moments. We were really in Africa. These children really will only get this one meal today. If it weren’t for Pastor Samuel’s work, they possibly wouldn’t even get this.

Chloe’s quotes from the morning:

“I have never felt so much love!”

“They are so grateful for everything!”

“More people should come here so that they can see that we should all be like this!”

And, the one everyone anticipated…

“So, can we adopt some?”

Almost to Africa

Thus life began with the 3 “New McMorrises”.

(I should also mention that we have a total of 7 children, for those doing the math. Mara, 20, is my step-daughter, who is every single bit a member of our family and a child of mine. She is one of the most beautiful young women I have ever met both inside and out. She is brilliant, has a heart of gold, and has more sense than half of the people her age. I am honored to parent her in partnership with Dave and Wendy and Gary. That is a whole other blog, but I wanted to include “Sissy”, who God has also used to grow me in amazing ways.)

Adoption, I have come to find out is a funny thing. The anticipation, the process, the waiting for it to be final, it consumed all of my thoughts and energy. Again, it was a goal that I was waiting to attain. Although we did life together and adjusted in the very practical ways to our new, larger family, it was not the heart changing experience that I had hoped it would be. The adoption phase of life is so busy that God can easily get hidden by the doubt, the paperwork, the frustrations…

We spent the first year with Brice, Halie and Jasmine simply adjusting…bonding, loving, teaching, learning, counseling, trying to figure out how all 6 kids could get a shower before we ran out of hot water, and how much of our favorite dinners Dave needed to make so that we all could get seconds…and Halie could get thirds.

The second year, as all of those systems began to work themselves out and we could say that all 6 of the kids had adjusted successfully to this new life, we began to see areas where more help was needed. We began to explore areas that needed intervention and that would NOT just work themselves out with extra hugs and kisses. We identified delays, health issues, and behavior disorders.

The third year, the rubber hit the road. Once we began to understand who these kids were and what needs they had, we could begin advocating for them and making changes to our lives that would allow us to be the best parents that we could be for them. This includes lots of doctor’s appointments, second opinions and meetings at school. It included a lot of time and energy.

Closing my daycare was one of those changes that I knew needed to be made. I knew that while pouring myself into all of my daycare children and running a business, I didn’t have the resources that I needed at the end of the day to be a great mom. I knew that God had called me to be a wife and a mother before He called me to be a daycare provider, and I have always wanted to bring glory to God in my ministry of motherhood. I had to truly put my family first.

Knowing that I would be closing my daycare brought Dave Ramsey into our lives. J We began to “live like no one else, so that later, we could live like no one else.” We committed to spending money only on “needs” and not on “wants” for a period of time. We also started tithing to our church…what a crazy concept. we went from giving 1% of our income to giving 10% and God blessed every single cent of it. We paid off all of our debt, and we refinanced our house so that we would own our home before our kids started college. We shouldn’t have been surprised, and yet, we always seem to be when God works miracles in our lives. Within a year we had turned around our lives financially, had a savings account, and began feeling called to serve in Africa. It still seemed like a crazy calling, but at least the thought had entered our minds.

We were very confident in our American lives as we laughed and said, “Sure God. Africa would be cool. If YOU ever give us the money to go there, we will do whatever you want us to.” We went on living life with that attitude towards Africa. We had some boys from Uganda live with us for a week as their choir was touring the USA, we helped friends fund raise for their Ethiopian adoptions, we thought about Africa, but never in our wildest dreams did we think we could or would ever set foot there.

August of 2012, through a situation that could have only been orchestrated by God, we came to know and love a community of homeless people in Bloomington. 

We began serving them meals, loving them, and hanging out with them.  We learned so much about our homeless friends and about the life of extreme poverty. Again, God was stretching us, growing our kids, giving us ample opportunities to lean solely on Him when what He asked us to do didn’t make sense to on-lookers. We learned to ignore criticism. We learned that we had to live a life of Christian action if we wanted to teach our children that is what God called us to. No Sunday School class was ever going to teach them what we could by sharing our Christmas morning with our friends.

Living our lives with this group of people and reading a little book by Jen Hatmaker, called “7”, helped us to identify the excess in our lives and begin to refocus on what God had called our lives to look like. Believe it or not, God wasn’t calling us to live with cable and electronics and new clothes and vacations. Jesus taught others that the secret to happiness was serving others. He told us that loving others was the most important thing that we would ever do next to loving God. We decided to take Him at His word. We wondered if we could possibly be happy if our goal in life was to love others unconditionally and to make more of God through all of our actions and all that we put into our minds. We didn’t jump off the deep end, we just refocused on our family. And it was wonderful. We played board games and went for bike rides. We cut down on so many bills, and we started going to the library. Not crazy stuff, just stuff that had seemed to get lost in the hustle and bustle of life.

Here I was again, not comfortable just being on this journey, but always looking for the conclusion, always trying to get one step ahead of God…or at least I thought that I could catch up with Him. Again, I thought I had figured “it” out. I thought that we were called to serve the homeless in our town. Awesome. I must have just been wrong about that Africa-thing. We will just serve the homeless forever.

But when my friend came over and told me that someone in her small group was thinking about going to Africa, I couldn’t jump on board fast enough. “Let’s plan it! Let’s all go serve together! You all are smart, faithful people, if God is calling you to Africa, then it must not be as crazy as I thought!” One of those couples had introduced us to a book called “Kisses from Katie”, and that gave more focus to our big idea. The book is about a young, American mission worker named Katie Davis, who fell in love with Uganda when she was there on a mission trip and then moved back and adopted 14 girls and opened a school…all before she was 25. Sounds like my kid of girl! Dave and I were dead set on going. We assumed it would be with that group of people, but God had other plans in their immediate futures, so it was up to us, on our own we thought, but God had a plan all along.

I had spent all of those month saying to God that I would go to Africa if He provided, and He was about to see if I meant what I said. As we had identified excess in our lives and began living with less, we were finding that we had more money to save. As our savings account grew and we continued to give money away, we realized that we would have enough money to go to Africa. I got on the computer, and I booked our trip with Visiting Orphans, the organization that Katie Davis worked with.

Little did we know, at the time I was booking the trip for Dave, Chloe and I,  God was writing a story in the lives of 19 other people across the United States who would join us in this journey and become like family.

Africa: The Prequel

I wanted to write about Africa, really I did, but all of this needed to come out first evidently. :-) 

Our trip to Africa just ended, but the journey truly began many, many years ago. From the time I was a child, about 10 years old, a passion for adoption began to grow in my heart, a passion to be a mother to those who needed one. 

Hearing about these children far away who were orphaned broke my heart, but at the same time, the issue was so distant from the reality of my life. I was surrounded by family and friends and others who would do anything for me. It was a reality that I had no way of grasping until I was much older.

So, life went on, Dave and I got married, bought a house, had 3 biological kids and though we always felt like we were struggling, we were living a comfortable American life. My goal was to give my children things that I felt I missed out on as a child. We had piles of presents under the tree every Christmas, we took that family trip to Disney, and we spent money like we deserved every bit of it. I was slightly convicted with the level of comfort that we were living in, but you know, compared to “everyone else” we were still living so modestly.

God introduced us to 3 wonderful children who happened to be in the foster care system, and for the first time, the issue of the orphan was literally at our front door. I was caring for these children in my daycare, and it was just so obvious to me that God was calling us to adoption through foster care. We happily took the classes, got our license and thought, “This is it! This is what God is calling us to. We have arrived at the pinnacle of our lives.”

Then, foster care was HARD. Our hearts were broken on more than one occasion…and not the nice kind of “broken for what breaks the heart of God” that we always talk about…it was the miserable, screaming, swearing, ugly-crying, hitting-the-walls, “God, what are you doing?!?!” kind of heart broken.

Even in all of my anger and resentment, God picked up each and every piece of my broken heart, and He put it back together. The difference with each heartbreak though, was that when the healing began, there was so much more of God holding my heart together.  I drew closer to Him and longed so much more to understand His plan for my life. I wanted, I needed to know Him better in order to know where He was leading me. I had to get off of committees and get out of groups that were not life-giving, we had to stop running around to activities, we had to let go of some really good things that we did, in order to find God’s BEST for us. We spent the 10 months from September 2009- July 2010 focusing our energy on God, not making any crazy life choices to distract us from knowing Him better. We had committed to a YEAR of “no crazy”, but in July of 2010, we met Brice, Halie and Jasmine.

After agreeing just to watch these kids while their foster parents were on vacation, Dave said to me, “I think Halie is our daughter.” For the very first time, Dave was feeling called and leading us towards adoption.  At the time it felt like it took forever, but by the end of August Halie and Brice were in our home with the goal of adoption, and by October, Jasmine was with us as well.

Again, I really was feeling like, “Okay, God. I see what you did there. You used our pain to mold us and change us. You drew us closer to You. I’ve sung songs about that before. Cool. NOW we have it figured out…NOW we have arrived at our life calling.”

And wouldn’t you know, He just wasn’t done with us yet. 

7: Full Circle

The whole journey of 7: A Mutiny Against Excess, for us was not about following rules or depriving ourselves. It was truly a journey for us to identify what we wanted for our life and our family. It was a process of eliminating all of the daily noise and slowing down enough to think about what our family's vision for life is. What are we, the McMorrises, all about? What does our life say about us? 

Each of our families have a vision or mission statement, whether we have made it intentionally or not. How we spend our time and money, what we do, how we interact with the world and our neighbors, all of these things speak volumes about our values and priorities. Rather than throwing all of those things up in the air and letting them fall where they may, we engaged in this challenge to be absolutely intentional. 

Month one was food, as many of you remember. Dave was an absolute rockstar, and I failed in 2 days flat...possibly a day and a half, but who's counting?! I like to think that I still "got it" that month though. The purpose was to use those hunger pains as a reminder to be present with God. Taking our minds off of menu planning and deciding what to eat gave us that push to dedicate our meal times to being with God. I continued to do that...for month one and beyond. 

Years ago, I named this blog, and the description that I gave included a few words that have been critical to our lives. The first being "journey"...this is all a journey, and we are along for the ride. The second is "discerning God's will"...this is where we always wanted our family's mission and vision to begin. We believe that God created us and has a plan for us. We believe that following His plan is as close to heaven as we will get on earth. We can be very, very busy with "good" stuff, but if it is not the stuff that God has for us, then it is pointless. We end up running ourselves ragged and still frustrated that life is not what we want it to be. 

Month one got our attention and our focus straight. It had to begin with our focus on God. 

Month two was clothing...seven items of clothes for one month straight. I LOVED this month. I loved the tiny amount of laundry that it produced. I loved not having to decide what to wear. I loved not having to check that the kids were dressed appropriately. I LOVED having an excuse to wear my favorite sweatshirt every single day. I LOVED IT! 

You know what? Not a single person, in the entire 30 days said anything to me, Dave or to any of the kids about us wearing the same clothes over and over. The kids teachers didn't ask, no one seemed to give me funny looks. It didn't matter one bit. I thought for sure we would have to do some explaining, but no one ever asked. 

Following clothing came month three: eliminating "stuff" from our house, our bedrooms, our storage areas, our garage, everywhere! Again, a pretty fabulous month.

Aside from all that though, as month one cleared our minds to focus on God, months two and three gave us a physical clearing as we emptied our closets and house of so, so much unused, unneeded stuff. How ridiculous is it that having a full closet, and having a house full of junk for my kids brings me security? Please tell me I am not the only one. I feel like we are all alright as long as we have "stuff". Cleaning out our physical closets, again, brought our focus back to finding a true sense of security. It gave us space, helped us to make decisions based on practical need and not on emotional connection to "stuff". Anyone who has ever entered my Grandma Swanson's house will recognize how hard this was for me...it runs in the family. ;-)

Month four was media, and this month had the very greatest impact on us as a family. It's funny though. We really had to go through the other months in order to be ready for this one though. Dave and I had a focused vision on what this month would look like. Again, it wasn't about no TV, no electronics, no facebook...it was about making time for us to be engaged as a family. Not kids doing their thing and 2 busy parents doing their grown up stuff. It was about our family all being engaged in the same activity...and enjoying it. It was amazing. We truly made memories and were able to teach our kids some of our favorite games. Words can not explain how worth it that month of no media was. Our family was changed. Simply by moving all of the board games from a bedroom closet upstairs into the living room has made board games more of an option. There have been more than a handful of times since media month that I look around at the kids playing with Dave or me and I think to myself, "Yes. This is what I always wanted my family to be like. This is the vision that I had."

Month five decided to shoot for "7 acts of kindness every day". The kids each carried little notebooks to school with them and Dave and I each kept track of ways that we went out of our way to show kindness to someone. At dinner, we would all get to share our kindness stories. It was so fun to hear how the kids went looking for ways to be wonderful. A few times Chloe had forgotten to keep track during the day and found herself giving back rubs to the whole family just to "get her 7 done"!

When I told our small group that the theme for month 5 was Acts of Kindness, one dear friend, CoughAmandaCryerCoughCough, laughed at us...well, not really at us, but she did laugh. :) She said something like, "Really??The McMorrises need to come up with 7 acts of kindness. Don't you all live that already?"

And that is the moment when it all seemed to come full circle and I realized that we didn't need to jump right into a month six or seven. We do want to make at least "7 earth-friendly choices", that may come this spring when gardening and composting are easier to begin. But for now, God has grown us in amazing ways, and for that we will be thankful and we will rest. 

It is when our vision and our mission for our family and our lives become the stuff of regular everyday life that  we are living each moment intentionally in the center of God's will, and it is a blessed place to be for sure. 

Refresh

Dave and I were blessed to be able to get away for part of last weekend, and it was amazingly refreshing! It turns out that I still love my husband very, very much. That fact can get lost on me sometimes, when we are in the hustle and bustle of life.
We used to make a point to go on dates, but then, it only took a few HORRIBLE experiences for us to realize that we needed to be the ones in charge of our kids for awhile. Let me just say that no dinner or movie is worth coming home to nail polish on every surface of your home upstairs and downstairs. No quiet time alone is worth coming home to 6 kids hysterically crying about how they were wronged and how frustrated they are that a sibling wouldn't be obedient to a babysitter. It was rotten for us all, so we took a break from taking a break. Dave and I just alternated rather than going places together, and in retrospect, it was the right thing to do...for a season.
The past several months have been really, really good though. Medications have been changed for the better, emotions have calmed down, acting out has diminished, maturity has increased exponentially (for all of us!), and it was time to try again.
We are so incredibly blessed with so many friends who love our kids like their own. We chose 3 families for this overnight, but we were honestly overwhelmed by all of the options that we had. It turns out people truly are willing to walk this journey with us and love on our kids if just ask! So, Chloe and Wren went to Chloe's best friend's house, Halie and Jasmine went to our wonderful friend, Miss Brooke, and the boys went to Carter's Godmother's house.
I am typically not a nervous mom at all, but on Thursday evening as we prepared for the following day, I could not relax at all. I was anxious. Although I was confident in the love and ability of the people caring for our kids, I was also being bombarded with thoughts of the kids at their worst. I was terrified that the progress that I thought we had made as a family would not sustain our leaving for a night. I prayed. I prayed hard. I constantly had to remind myself that the voice of truth was not bringing these thoughts to my mind. I kept reminding myself that God loves my kids so much more than I could ever even imagine, and that He was in charge whether I was in the same town as them or a million miles away.
And guess what? It was a wonderful weekend for everyone. Not a single bad report. (insert happy dance)
Our kids were spoiled rotten. I am fairly certain that their diets contained nothing more than pizza, ice cream, waffles and toaster strudels. Every single child had a wonderful time, and some of them even brushed their teeth once or twice while we were away.
Dave and I had nearly 8 hours in driving time to talk about long term items that always seem to be low on the priority list when we crash on the couch to talk at night. We also attended a wonderful conference where we were encouraged in our faith and reminded of the power and vision that Gd has. The vision that He has is sooo not what we tend to see here on earth, and we need to be reminded of that fact often.
We met Jen Hatmaker, the author of the book, 7, which has led us over the past few months to identify and eliminate the excess in our lives. It was wonderful.