Growing Pains

Before the butterfly emerges, it has to struggle its way out of the chrysalis. Without that struggle, the wings and body stay filled with fluid and it would never fly. It would never realize what it was created to be.

Before the Israelites could leave their lives of slavery and enter the land flowing with milk and honey, they had to wander for 40 years learning how to completely trust, depend on and obey God’s leading.

Learning to do life in a new culture is a struggle. Cooking in new ways, with new foods is difficult. Having a sick child in a foreign place is scary. New bugs and unidentified rashes are unsettling. There is no way to avoid these things. One simply has to endure, push through them and come out of the other side with more knowledge and experience.

Our sigiri and bag of charcoal for cooking

What my head knows as truth, but my heart fails to comprehend:

God grows us in and through our struggles. God strengthens us and prepares us for what is next by moving us out of our comfort zones. Growth and change are a sign that we are living, and we know in the end, that they are good.

Lately, I am relating a little too much to the Israelites. God provided every step of the way, but they remained a grumbly, complaining bunch. So much so, that at one point they BEGGED to return to slavery in Egypt because at least that was familiar to them. If they had their way, they would have remained as slaves rather than fulfill their roles as God’s chosen people in the Promised Land.

When there are ants trailing through the house or jiggers in our toes here, it is easy to let my mind wander back to Illinois, back to all that is familiar. Not because it is better there, but simply because it is comfortable there. I don’t want to go back, but it is easy to think for a moment, what if we just stayed home.

Dave and I weren't complaining about being in the chrysalis. Our family was living a beautiful, wonderful life of service in Illinois. We were content. We were comfortable. But we were in a chrysalis when God had something more wonderful and beautiful in store for us. He is revealing what that is to us day by day, and it is a gift each and every time we get a glimpse.

The kids at the Nile River

If we chose to stay comfortable:

• We would have missed the opportunity to immerse ourselves in a culture that is based on relationships. Greetings, conversations, and relationships matter more in Uganda than anything else that one might accomplish in a day. There is no such thing as small-talk. It is more fulfilling for a Ugandan to never accomplish what they set out to do, as long as they took time to talk with and pour into the people that they encountered that day. This is different, and can be a challenge when we are trying to get many things done, but it is also such a gift. Just this week the woman we buy beans from had a new baby and the man who delivers bananas to our home had a sister die in childbirth. We share in their joys and sorrows because they share them with us. It creates a closeness and prompts such  heartfelt prayers.

• The gifts and talents of our children would never have had the chance to emerge in such a beautiful, natural, unguarded way. There is freedom here for our kids that they don’t have in the US. No one is telling them that they can’t do certain things or telling them that these are grown up jobs. They are allowed to be leaders and use their own judgment.

We walk through a village, and if there is a baby crying outside of his home, Halie runs over, picks up that child and rocks and bounces until a smile emerges. She is often seen with at least 2 babies in her arms at once. No one is afraid or running to take the babies from her. She can be the little mommy that God gifted her to be. 

Chloe feels so deeply for others and has a strong sense of right and wrong. If someone is being mistreated by another or is hurt or is sad, she is instantly their protector. She is a safe set of arms and welcomes little ones to her lap, but to the instigators, whether they understand her or not, she is firm and clear and ready to correct their behaviors. 

Brice can walk silently through a day and seem like he is completely disconnected from all that is occurring, and then, at night, he will verbalize deep, meaningful prayers that are evidence that he was completely engaged and that his heart was in tune with all that we saw and did.

Another quiet child, Wren, used to be happy to follow her big sisters and be a spectator. Now, she has kids that she needs to check on, babies that she needs to diaper and original artwork that she needs to make to show her friends how much she loves them.

Jasmine, our wild child, who struggles to keep her thoughts focused and her body under control, is best friends with each of our guards. She will sit with them at the gate for hours just being together and chatting.

Carter is a boy wise beyond his years with a heart that is too big to contain all of his emotions. He is seeing things that break his heart, and he is strong and focused in the moment. When he gets home and snuggles into my arms, the tears just flow. He has no words and cannot explain them, but his heart simply needs this release.

• We would have access to pizza and Panera and chocolate. (Would it be wrong to pray for Hershey’s from heaven?)

•  We would have had another summer of the kids fighting and me counting down the days until I could send them all back to school. Instead, we are cherishing our time together. We home school as a family, and it is a gift. We get to spend every hour of every day together, and without other things battling for our time and attention, the time together is a better quality than we have ever experienced before. We are learning to love each other better.

Can journal time possibly get any better than this? A perk of homeschool!

• We would have missed out on these relationships. These words of wisdom. The life experiences of others that, when shared with us, become a part of our story, of our knowledge, our lives. There is such richness in the relationships of other missionaries, all of whom have stepped away from what is easy, in order to grow and learn as God has called them to.

·         We would have missed the moments where we come to the end of all we know and have nothing left to hold on to except the truth and the promises of our Creator. Those scary moments when our children ask us what comes next and we have no idea, but we know Who goes before us, and that is enough.

And this list is only a beginning. 

This journey is only beginning.