They asked for help...and we said no

There was a boy in the village, about 12 years old, who broke his leg. His family had x-rays, and even to the untrained eye, it was an obvious, serious break.

His father asked us to help.

We said no.

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Sometimes, when you travel around the world to help people, you actually get to help people in the ways that you imagined.

Other times, you can’t for a number of reasons.

This part is hard to wrap the mind around.

 This part is heart-breaking.

This part is hard to admit and is rarely talked about.

But this is the part that anyone who truly wants to make an impact anywhere MUST understand; whether you are serving for one day, one month, or one decade.

It just seems so obvious. For many of us, it is just a natural instinct. You see someone in need, you have the ability to help in some way, so you don’t think twice, you just help. This feels good and right. Your emotion leads to action and everyone involved has a better day because of it.

But what is that emotion that led to that action? Altruism? Boredom? Pity? Conviction? Sadness?

Afterall, they say that the quickest way to make yourself feel better is by helping someone else, right?

I was several months into our service in Uganda before I realized that I came here feeling really, really sorry for the people of Uganda. For the whole continent of Africa really.

How could I not? The kids with flies on their faces were real. The orphans were numerous, the distended bellies were right in front of me.

Then, it dawned on me. As long as I was feeling sorry for the people of Africa, I was absolutely useless to help them.

As long as I was comparing what they lacked to what I possessed, I was no good to them.

To ever truly meet a need, we must first look at the strengths and abilities of those with the need.

We know it’s true. “Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime” we say. But, too often, it is easier and more rewarding to simply give him a fish. We call it the “starfish” mentality and we justify it by saying, “Well, at least he’s not hungry today.”

When we feed him just for today though, he will wake up tomorrow praying not for his situation to change, not for employment, not for strength, but simply for someone else to come feed him today. I am a firm believer that the good people of this world outnumber the bad by a longshot, and I am confident that his prayer is answered. I have seen it in America, and I have seen it in Uganda. He gets fed for the day, day after day, after day. His situation never changes. Whether it was a tough break in life, mental illness, or oppression, those issues are never brought to light. The causes of the need are never addressed.

What if there was another way, though? What if we chose to search for the strengths and abilities of those in need? How could we empower them to be world changers instead of making ourselves feel better?

What if we first asked that man if he had ever been fishing?

What if he had, and now that you ask, he has a pole in the back of his house?

What if you went with him to the lake and shared stories while you fished together?

What if he actually had something to teach YOU about fishing?

How would the outcome be different?

How empowered would that man be as he went from the one in need to the one who helps?

We are not on this earth to make ourselves feel better. We are not here to appease our guilt.

I believe, with all that is in me, that we are here to make the world a better place. Sometimes that means helping someone change a flat, but more often, it requires nothing physical. More often it simply requires that we help someone to see what they have to offer the world. It requires building them up and empowering them to change the world on their own.

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The x-ray showed an obvious and serious break...but they had an x-ray.

That x-ray meant that they had seen a doctor. That x-ray meant that they knew how to care for their boy. They didn’t need us to take over, but they thought it was worth a shot. Many Americans have made that mistake in the past. Just because we could meet a physical need, didn’t mean it was right.

We prayed with them. We asked God to bring peace and comfort. We assured them that we would be back to see them in few days.

And when we came back to visit, the boy had a cast on his leg. They had done it all on their own. They didn’t need us after all. They may have called on neighbors to help them, they may have had to make some sacrifices, but who, as a parent, has not done those things?

And the added blessing, we are not seen as rescuers. We don’t have a line of other families begging us to solve their problems. We are seen as friends. We are encouragers and we are prayers. We allow this family to draw strength from God as their provider, not the missionaries.

And that makes the world a better place.