Can I get this in writing?

On our way home from Chloe's newest hobby, hip-hop dance class, she said all thoughtful-like, "I wonder what Jasmine will be like when she is older." I asked her what she meant and she said, "Well, she's been doing amazing lately, but I just wonder what it will be like when she learns to make good choices all the time."
In my constant crusade against perfectionism in my too-hard-on-herself-always child, I said, "No one ever makes good choices ALL the time."
Her response, "I will Mommy, even when I'm a teenager."  :-) Obviously my crusade is not very effective so far.
That did lead to some sarcastic comments from me about teenagers and how they are just made to make choices different from what their parents would want and to learn from their own experiences.
My little girl who is wise beyond her 8 years then says, "Yeah. I hear that some teenagers are bad because of their childhood. Some have hard lives."
Quiet...Thinking...
"What kinds of bad things do teenagers do?"
So, we talked about the horribly bad things that teenagers do like sneaking out, lying, kissing boyfriends ;-), arguing with parents, etc.
"I will NEVER do any of those things. I will ALWAYS listen to you no matter if I have a boyfriend or friends or I am at a party or anything!"

Hahaha! If only this promise was more easily kept.

"Do we love God as much as Carter McMorris?"

There was no way for us to predict that when we chose the name Carter six years ago that millions of other moms were choosing that same name for their little boys. (The same is true for Brice...millions of them all in elementary school!) Thus, everyone from school calls our boys by their first and last names.

During the first week of school, Carter's teacher....Carter McMorris' teacher, I should say...asked the class what made each of them special. Carter answered, "The McMorrises are special because they love God the most." So sweet. As his mom, I am so glad that he knows without hesitation that God is our priority...loving Him, honoring Him, obeying Him. I continue to pray that his faith will grow and change, but always remain this strong and sure.

That answer must have stuck with a classmate of Carter's because his mom told me that they had the following conversation that night at their bedtime prayers.

Gage: "Mommy, how much do we love God?"
Mom: "Umm...a lot. Why do you ask?"
Gage: "Do we love God as much as Carter McMorris?"
Mom: "It's not really a competition. We all love God the same."
Gage: "But Carter McMorris says that the McMorrises are special because they love God THE MOST."

And honestly, if you asked Carter, he probably meant it just like he said it. ;-) He is working on being humble, but if there is something to be done, he will do it the best, most, fastest....always.

Back to School!

Although it snuck up on me, I was more than ready for back to school time! Everyone LOVES their teachers and was thrilled to be back with their friends.

At the risk of embarrassing 2 children, I will not mention names, but I am tired of having kids wet the bed at night and/or wear pull ups. Everyone should be old enough/bodies ready, so now it's just a matter of training them to stay dry through the night. Of course, this means that I have to wake them several times through the night to help them empty their bladders. Fun times. It's just like the newborn stage of sleep deprivation...but with less crying. ;-)

Summer in the McHouse

Each day, the details of life never seem significant enough to post about, but then months pass, and I have no idea where to begin.
We got through birthday season. Chloe turned 8, Brice is now 6, Halie 5, and Jasmine 4. All are happy to be another year older, but it has completely messed up my answer for when people ask how old my kids are. I was used to saying, "one 7, two 5s, a 4 and two 3s". Now I always have to stop and think. One of the many joys of having a big family!

Everyone finished up their school years on high notes. We are determined to avoid losing all of the progress over the summer, so we are trying to be consistent about them having reading times, playing educational computer games, and math practice. We shall see how we've done once school starts again. I would be absolutely in favor of year round school. I hate the backsliding that happens each summer.

I am thrilled to say that Chloe truly developed a love for reading at the end of last school year. We will now find her staying up late in bed reading, and we couldn't be happier. In kindergarten and first grade, Chloe struggled with reading and didn't show any interest. As teacher parents who both love reading, this concerned us. You'd think we would have learned by now, Chloe does things in her own time. That is just the way God made her. I need to chill out and let Him reveal all there is to Chloe rather than trying to fit her into whatever mold I have in mind. Poor first child.

Carter continues to impress us with his sense of humor and his spunky attitude. I called him a "smart-aleck" (sp?) the other day and he asked what that meant. I told him that sometimes his sarcasm is funny and other times it can be disrespectful. Now, whenever I call him that, he'll ask, "Do you mean the good kind or the bad kind?" He is quite a character.

Brice is truly beginning to come out of his shell. In the past few months, I have heard so many people say, "I have never seen Brice act like that!" Our boy who is typically so quiet and passive is finding his voice. Out of nowhere, he will yell "No" about things he doesn't want to do, or he will disobey blatantly. For most kids this is not exactly desirable behavior, but for him, it's a sign of progress. Heaven help his 1st grade teacher!

Halie's biggest accomplishments this summer have definately been in swimming lessons. She was the first to move up a level, and she is doing just great! Her goal for a while has been to grow her hair as long as Rapunzel's, but today, Jasmine came home with an adorable haircut, so now Halie says we can get her hair cut as well. Halie has joined Chloe and Carter in riding her bike with no training wheels. She pedals that little bike so fast, I can hardly watch. She's good at jumping off before a crash though, and she's good about wearing her helmet.

Our delicate little Wren...she may be a few months older than Jasmine, but she will always be the baby of the family. Everyone waits on Wren and makes sure that she is always happy. If Wren cries, she gets what she wants. I do not endorse this treatment, and I am always telling Wren it's time to be a big girl, but hey, she does what works. I have to give her some credit there. I am looking forward to fall with Wren and seeing the progress that she will make academically in the coming year. I have always enjoyed seeing the huge progress that takes place while getting ready for kindergarten. As hard as it is to believe, this will be my last year with a child of my own at home. I can't imagine what life will be like when they are all in school. Sure, I will still have a house full of daycare kids, but that's different.

As I mentioned, Jasmine got a new haircut. Wren says that they are the same now...the same for polar opposites, I suppose. One is blonde, the other the darkest brown. One is sensitive, one is tough as nails. One is cautious, one is fearless. Hair styles though, yes, they are about the same. In our frustration, Dave and I often discuss what we, as parents, can be doing to help Jasmine. We feel like we have tried every parenting/teaching strategy to no avail. I have decided though, that Jasmine is good for my prayer life. I am constantly saying, "God, I can not do this alone. I need you to guide me." After a minor fire incident with Jasmine and the microwave oven (and a bill for $450), we decided that we needed more help than a new parenting book could offer. We were put in contact with an extremely helpful group of people in town and were able to get a rush on a psychiatric evaluation. No major changes have been made, but just having a group of people working with us has given us so much hope. Today we received a diagnosis of ADHD for Jasmine. In my very unknowledgable and unprofessional opinion, I don't think that is the full extent of her issues, but that is a starting point.

Dave and I have each read more books just for fun this summer than we have probably read in the past 8 years. Our TV has hardly been turned on in the evenings, and we are really enjoying it. I have been reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and "Crave" by Chris Tomlinson. Both have really challenged me in my faith and have made me think hard about what being a Christian means in day to day life.

Dave read both of these books and is now reading all of the Rebecca Caudill Award winning books and will have so many great recommendations for his students this year. More than the content of the books themselves, it just feels good to take time for ourselves...to use our brains for something that has nothing to do with the kids.

Another huge accomplishment for us as a family has been  paying off our debt. Last October we began a "Total Money Makeover" as Dave Ramsey calls it. We completely changed our spending habits and began paying off over $40,000 in debt. At this point, all we have left is my student loan from college ($8,000) and the mortgage. The plan was to have the student loan gone by July, but as Murphy's law would have it, all of that money has gone into new tires needed for the van, dental work for me, a new microwave, and fixing the air conditioner for our house. It's always something! Last week, we did meet with a financial advisor though about retirement planning and saving for the kids' college. I NEVER in a million years thought I would be in a place to consider these things. I don't take it for granted for a minute. Incredible blessings.

This fall I am looking into getting a job at Old Navy, a clothing store. This fact has worried more than a few people. They seem to think that my getting a second job is a sign that we are hurting financially. The fact is, we buy 99.9% of our family's clothing from Old Navy, and I spend 99.9% of my time with kids. If I could get a job a few hours per week, I would not only get a discount on all of our clothing purchases, but I would also get a few hours away from the house each week. The paycheck would just go back into buying clothes. But as we prepare for back to school shopping, the savings for clothing 6 kids will add up! We'll see what happens. I filled out an application on-line and I tried to call a few days later. They said that they would call me if my application met their criteria. Would it really be possible for me NOT to get a job at Old Navy?!?!

He's Back!

We are knee-deep in the season of Lent right now, and with that comes communion every week at church, lots of talk about Jesus' resurrection, and curious-child questions about what heaven is like.
It was spring break last week, and so, on Friday, we took all of the kids bowling to get out of the house for awhile. Brice is planning on going bowling for his birthday in a few months, so he was loving every moment of the fieldtrip.
On the way home, he asked, "How many birthdays am I going to get?" He wanted to go bowling for this one and then go to Chuck E. Cheese next time. He was just checking how far out he could be planning.
Ella, a very confident 4 year old, said proudly, "You get birthdays till you die." Hmmm, she's right I suppose.
That's all it took for the van full of 3, 4, and 5 year olds to begin a theological debate about what happens when you die and what heaven is like.
Questions addressed included:

• What do you wear in heaven? Is everyone naked or do you have to wear the same clothes that you died in forever? What does God wear?
• Does God have legs or does He just float around?
• Will we be able to find Nibblets, our hamster who died, when we get there?
• Will everyone be in heaven? What if they don't know and love God?
• Can you still have birthday parties when you are in heaven? Is every day like a birthday party?
• Can you ask God to make you an angel if you are done just hanging out?
• If we are done just hanging out with God, can we come back to earth like Jesus did?

Never in my life have I been more glad that I recently read the Bible cover to cover. I actually felt like the answers I was able to give and the way that I was able to guide the conversation was Biblically sound rather than just what I thought. I tell you, even knowing what the Bible says, these kids had some tough questions! I also am so thankful that my childhood pastor, Kathy Bostrom, wrote a children's book called, What About Heaven? I have that out and ready to read tomorrow!

In addition to it being Lent and this conversation post-bowling, we have been talking each week with Wendy and Gary, who sit behind us in church, about some people in their lives who have cancer. We have been praying for them and checking in to see how Gary's father and Wendy's friend are doing. None of these conversations were lost on little Halie. She has asked lots of questions about why people's bodies stop working right and why they can't just get better. Man oh man, this little girl is going to keep me on my toes!

Unfortunately, two weeks ago, Gary was not in church because his father's condition had worsened, and Gary was at the hospital with him and his family. Gary's father died later that evening, and we prayed for their family that night.

Last week, Wendy and Gary were out of town, so we didn't see them at church.
This morning, as we got settled in our pew, Wendy came in to her usual spot behind us and said good morning to everyone. Gary came in just a few moments behind her. Halie, with her mouth wide open and her eyes as big as saucers said, "Mommy, he came back!"
Not understanding at all what was going through your head, I said, "Yes, Gary's back," very casually.
You put your hand on my arm to get my attention and said, "But Mommy, He came back. How did he come back from heaven?" She was acting like, come on people, a miracle is happening here and you are all just sitting around like it's nothing!
She thought that "Gary-the Dad" had died, not "Gary's Dad". We all had a good laugh as we reassured her and clarified what had actually happened.
What I love most about this whole situation, besides the laughter, is the trust that Halie has in her God. She didn't doubt for a moment that God could do that. He could have brought someone back to life and Halie knew that if he did, it would be worth making a big deal about. She just trusts so whole-heartedly. This is exactly what people mean when they talk about a child-like faith.

While we are waiting...

I have never heard an adoption story that didn't involve lots and lots of waiting. This is precisely where we are...again. Not much to do but just live life and feel confident in the fact that the timing will work out eventually.  I thank God each and every day though, that our kids are right here with us as we wait. My heart goes out to all of those adopting internationally whose babies are worlds away while they are waiting!

No adoption date or baptism date yet. I do have a big party planned in my head though for whenever those dates are made known to us!

So, while we wait, we are planning for the spring season of birthdays. We have one in April, 2 in May and 1 in June. We will be seeing lots of the bowling alley it sounds like this year. I am hoping to avoid Chuck E Cheese at all costs. No one has mentioned it yet, so I think we are safe. Chloe has requested a dance party sleepover at our house, so a high school girl is going to come over and teach the girls a new dance. How fun!

Just today, Halie and I took a trip down to the elementary school where we signed her up for kindergarten in the fall. She got to go tour the classrooms, meet the class guinea pigs and mice, and tell the teachers how smart she is. She didn't hold back. She made it perfectly clear that she is ready to attend school...I hope they are ready for her. I have warned them that she is the polar opposite of quiet, soft-spoken Brice!

Wren insists that she is ready for kindergarten as well. Just like with Carter, it's going to be a looooong year of telling her that she has to wait until she turns 5.

Next week is spring break. I have decided that I will use that week to schedule all of the kids' doctor's appointments, eye exams, etc, so that no one has to miss school. I hope the weather isn't too nice because we will spend almost every day in a doctor's office. :) Day to day life with 6 little ones is manageable, but keeping up with dentists, eye doctors, shots, conferences and yearly exams is quite an undertaking!

It was wacky day at school today, so the 3 bigger kids got to choose how they wanted to look. Quite funny!

Trusting

In my on-going pursuit of self-improvement, I decided that instead of being the squeaky wheel, I was goign to let this DCFS thing play out on it's own. I got to praying and God put on my heart that I may have a thing or to to learn about letting go of control and trusting him.
So, I told myself that every time I thought about about how frustrated I was or about calling someone to make this situation right, I would just pray for God to resolve the problem instead. I was prepared to do this at least for the week, if not longer. It would be a good practice for me.
But, guess what? Our caseworker called this morning to say that she was wrong. Six months is the waiting period, and that will be on February 17th, so we can keep moving along and begin the legal part of the adoption. Yay!
And I am trying not to laugh at the fact that she was so frustrated that she had to make another visit to give us the paperwork. Well, if you had done it right the first time....

God is a funny one

After writing that last post, I was browsing through my blog and trying to gain perspective on how far we've come.
God led my back to my very first post. My very own words. I needed to remind myself of that.

As we are praying for our family and our future, we are seeking God's will rather than our own. We know that His plan is the right one, and we want to follow...it's just so hard!

God is bigger than our problems. He is bigger than our fears, and his plan is so much bigger and better than we can ever imagine.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

He doesn't ask us to consider his opinion. He doesn't ask us to trust him a little. He commands us to trust him with ALL of our heart. He commands us to acknowledge him in ALL our ways...in all we do, each and every day.

With our immediate family, with our finances, with our extended family...it's not up to us. God has it all under control.

Oh, just one YEAR!?!?

It's so ironic that my previous post is labeled contentment because I am truly only content when there is nothing to be discontented about. :)

We had our monthly meeting with the adoption caseworker today. She called last week to finalize some details for the paperwork and said that she would have the kids' complete files to give me. This is the last step before we begin the legal aspect of adopting the kids. I asked my daycare parents to come pick up kids early even because this was supposed to be the "big paperwork meeting" where we went over the kid's complete histories and had any questions answered.

The caseworker showed up with just a notebook in her hands. I was worried as I invited her into the house, but I figured she'd get the rest from the car later. How naive am I? She sat down and was saying hi to the kids when I sweetly asked, "Since we get their files today, what is the next step in the process?"

"Well," she says, "I was just about done with those when my supervisor said that I might as well slow down on it because he wants the kids to be in your home for a whole year before you officially adopt."

A YEAR?!?! Seriously? Does her supervisor just get to make up his own rules? We are well aware that there is a 6 month "waiting period" before an adoption can be finalized. That is fairly typical whether it's a domestic or international adoption. We have a court date set, we want to get the kids baptized and stop having to explain why sometimes their last name is McMorris and sometimes it's Boomgarden.

Grrrrr!

So, there is my venting. DCFS is a very frustrating agency to deal with.
Before all of this occurred today I heard the song "While I'm waiting" by John Waller . I always think of families waiting for their adopted children when I hear this. I think about the families who long for their babies, either for a successful pregnancy or for a baby living in horrid conditions in another country.

Today I thought, what if I had heard this song when I was in college. At that time, all I wanted was to get married and become a mom. I kissed many frogs trying to find my prince. I went through lots of heartache trying to find happiness. Looking back, I often think to myself, what if you could have the life you have now, but could have avoided all of that worrying and hurt. I obviously would have worried a lot less and made different choices. I would have been more faithful, knowing that God knew his plan for me, plans to prosper and not harm me. Plans for a hope and a future. At that time, if I had, as the song suggests,  patiently waited upon the Lord...hopeful...taking every step in obedience, I could have enjoyed the moment, the phase of my life and not worried so much about the future.

I want my hindsight to be 20/20. I want to not worry about how this will all play out. I want to just give it to God and trust that He will work it all out in his perfect timing.

BUT....

What if what God wants is for me to be the squeaky wheel and get what I want? Hahaha! That is always my default. Recently I had a quote up on facebook that I snagged from someone else. The quote says, "Trust like it all depends on God, but work like it all depends on you." That is how I have always tried to live. Sometimes I think I may need to stop working so hard though and truly give it to God.
Is today the day? We shall see.

Contentment

Since I was being harassed by my brother about being a "blog slacker", I figured I should get something out here in cyberspace. (Thanks for the motivation, Adam!)

I guess it's a good thing, but life is just plugging along, so I never feel like I have anything profound to share. I read the blogs of several other people, and they are always so insightful. Like any good sitcom, they begin with a problem or a story, and by the end of the post, they have neatly wrapped up what they learned, what God was revealing to them, or the new idea that the problem inspired. Our daily life presents many "things that make me go hmm", but as soon as I begin to reflect, someone is spilling milk, dripping syrup or screaming at a sibling, and I am forced back into the present moment. Some day I will have time to reflect, and I hope that I will have ignored the right things and taken the time to really handle the things that needed my attention.

For instance, the kids often tell me that they miss me. In my grown-up mind I think, "Seriously, I am here every single day. I drop you off at school, pick you up from school, help you with homework, etc. I never have a minute to myself. How can you possibly miss me?!?!" But, my mom-mind realizes that they miss being with me.
They miss having special time. This is the difference between quality time and quantity time. They miss snuggling and talking one-on-one. They miss sharing with me the things that are not necessary, but are simply relationship building. Then I remember the whole point of the "Year of No Crazy", (which we are continuing into 2011...it may just become a way of life!), Dave and I wanted to be here to transition our family through this phase. We wanted to be available emotionally, physically, and mentally to our kids, and that meant letting go of other commitments and saying no to things that we really wanted to do. Since our calendar is so empty now, we have chosen Tuesdays and Thursdays to be our "date days". Not for Dave and I, but for the kids. On Tuesdays, one child gets a date with Mom, and on Thursday a different child gets a date with Dad. In 3 weeks, every child will have had a date. In 6 weeks, each child will have had a date with each of us. (Don't worry, Dave and I do take the time for lots of dates for ourselves as well!)

I read somewhere that the best way to know what your family values is to look at your checkbook and your calendar. Where you spend your money and your time tell you what is important. Since October we've been working to get our finances to reflect our values, and scheduling dates helped get our calendar reflecting that as well. Whether you have 1 child or 10 children, spending intentional time with them is a challenge. Dates remind me to seek out other one-on-one time as well.

Candy Land and Memory have provided some good times in the past few weeks as well. After dinner, rather than curling up on the couch with a TV program, they kids have realized that if we play a board game together, they get my undivided attention for the entire length of the game. It is such a simple thing, but one that we too often forget to take the time for.

In light of this whole journey that we are on, Dave and I have been asked to present at a parenting conference coming up early in February. Our session is called, "Living simply in an age of acquisition: fostering contentment in your family". It is funny to me that we were asked to teach others about this topic, because I feel like this is the lesson we are trying to learn. We are learning to be content with what we have, live on a budget, and plan for the future as adults. Teaching that to the kids is hard when we haven't mastered it ourselves yet. We believe that we are supposed to teach this though, so we will do our best. Every time I start to doubt that we have anything to share, I say over and over again, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."

So, that's what is going on in my head lately.

The kids are all doing well.
Mara came by to visit yesterday with her boyfriend's dog, Ellie. She is doing so well at school and is gearing up to move out of the dorms and into an apartment next fall.
Chloe has a fun social life with of sleepovers almost every weekend.
Carter is doing so well in kindergarten that his teacher is starting to have him do first grade work.
Brice has two different girlfriends that stick with him for lunch and reccess each day. He is quiet and reserved at school, but once he gets home and starts playing the Wii, he is loud and 100% "5 year old boy"!
Halie went to a counselor a few times to see if she had anything going on emotionally that we needed to be on top of, but the counselor said that she is so well adjusted, that she doesn't think Halie needs to see anyone at this point. Halie was so comfortable talking to her all about Mommy, Daddy, Mommy Brandy, Daddy John, Grandma Nancy and the rest of her "family" that the counselor couldn't even keep up with who was who!
Wren is about to turn 4 years old, and that is just amazing to me. She loves to write jiberish and then "read" her stories to me. She is so proud when she accidentally writes a real word.
Jasmine can now spell her name, and I LOVE to hear her do that! We went shopping yesterday, and she would look at each tag and say, "J-A-S-M-I-N-E, it says it's too big Mommy." Obviously she thinks every word is spelled that way, but hey, it's a start!